A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise

There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as β€œSinko De Mayo.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDirtCountryBoy
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Met a beautiful girl over Spring Break in Mexico, but she constantly talked about the end of the world.

She had Acapulco-lips.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy threw a block of cheese at me in the supermarket

I said to him β€œnow that’s no very mature now is it?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moistwee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What would a 'magical (chain)saw which can sprint' be called in the realm of Middle-Earth?

Sauron

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.

Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy in front of me in the supermarket was just told they were out of breathmints. He did not like that.

He went menthol!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I was queuing up to get into the supermarket yesterday. Dwayne Johnson was in front of me. Behind me was a fish holding the trolley above his head!

I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyryoonake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you believe Trump wants to ban shakers of parmesan from supermarket shelves, only allowing it to be sold in wedge form?

He says he wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopsicleMud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was in the band mood but I had a list of 10 puns to try to cheer him up.

But No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDragonIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun-chain about a picture of horses in a plane
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tenth_Doctor_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw my enemy in the supermarket, so I threw a bunch of "Thank You" cards at him. It turns out one of the cards hit him so hard that he died in hospital.

I was always told that you should kill them with kindness.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.

I call it the flip charts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.

"Sea, SeΓ±or," replied the Mexican.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A bit morbid but hilarious. This happened earlier today.

My son had never heard of the store β€œBuy Buy Baby” (an American chain of stores for products for babies, similar to β€œBabies R Us”). I can’t remember exactly why I brought it up, but I mentioned the store to my wife (I think we were reminiscing on shopping there for our kids). My son overheard me say it, and he asked if it was some sick name for an abortion clinic.

As in β€œBye bye baby.”

So stupid but I can’t remember the last time I laughed as hard as I did. I can’t stop replaying it in my head and laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeD341
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.

He was named Justin Case.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Okay doc, here's the list of heart and kidney donors in alphabetical order

Doc: Wow, it's very organized ;)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-rad-kid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I just sold my collection of Swiss watches to a friend in Mexico City.

Adios Omegas.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
[OC] How do they open cans of tuna in New Mexico?

With an albacore-key.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ir8prim8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

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This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I sent my collection of Swiss watches to friends in Mexico, but they got lost.

Adios Omegas.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What type of polypeptide chain is in favor of adolescents?

Pro-teen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
A Marine Biology student was compiling a list of all the sea creatures they could find on Wikipedia. The next day they handed it in to their Professor, who took one look at it and said..

Lacks Cetacean..

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irorii
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did FEMA put life-jackets on dolphins in the Gulf of Mexico?

For safety porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ozylanthe
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Nurse: so here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in ABC order

Doctor: wow. Looks very organized!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chanmack21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The plural of tortoise in Mexico

My SO and I were wondering what the plural of tortoise was.

"Is it tortoises or tortae?" we asked, walking.

"We're in Mexico, it's tortilla."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazarus_Pits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I told my sister "one time, a teacher of mine gave me a list of 10 puns so that I could make sense of them." She asked " well, did any of them make sense?" I told her "No pun in ten did." My sister laughed and said "I get it, did you intend that?" I said "Nope, unintended."
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levyl44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad joke 101

My dad told my brother to change his bedsheets while his gf is coming..

"I don't want her to get pregnant just by sitting" he said

I'm dyin lmaoπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Destruction 100

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swaggersouls_2001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
List of Burgers Of The Day puns in Bob's Burgers bobsburgerpedia.wikia.com…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Was complaining to a friend about my to do list. He suggested a way of instantly cutting it in half...

With Scissors!

My Dad sense of humor appreciated this.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tysonjhayes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my first tattoo today

But it was only temporary.

(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theophan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You'll get a reaction out of this....

Anyone who makes a pun about iron should pay a periodic Fe, I would stop now but that'd be Nobel of me, HeHeHe. Be sure to take a deep breath before you say "NO". At this point you might thinking we should get Iridium of this guy in rl too. I'll eventually run out of chemical puns, right? Na, which might be your mood coincidentally. This guy must be a fake as Silicone, he got this from somewhere to which I reply, Si, senor! I Cu calling for the coppers, but any "Bro" of mine wouldn't. Don't worry, the best ones Argon by now. Au reading this! This winding list is surely golden by now, right?

As we close this out, allow me to echo your thoughts one last time, Fr y'all.

"F"In"Al"Y"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vadea_Shepard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
So I used to collect those little cardboard discs with pictures on...

One time I took a bunch of them with me to Abu Dhabi and while most of them were fine one behaved very weirdly, splitting and separating like it was in the humid air of the tropics. Very strange. I even wrote a letter about it to a listings magazine, which began:

"What's On, I commend to your attention the curious incident of the POG in the dry clime."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoneKharnivore
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
So Donald Trump (or "the Don" as some call him) has realized that illegal immigrants must be deported at night so that no one will see them leaving and complain...

The problem, however, is that there isn't enough light for the immigrants to find their way back to Mexico. Because of this, the Don institutes his "Early Light" plan in order to give the immigrants a way to see. One immigrant, Jose, is partially blind, so they are wondering if the "Early Light" program will still allow him to see. The ask him: Jose can you see by the Don's "Early Light."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoahTheProtozoa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I was in the supermarket when a guy threw a block of cheese at me.

I looked over at him and shouted, β€œWell that’s not very mature is it??”

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadBoyJH
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2015
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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