A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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β€œJudge, 50% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Ok..... Judge, half of my parking tickets are bogus!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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What do you do if you see a spaceman?

You park the car, man

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocketButtMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Just some jokes about colours

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

  • a carrot

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

  • dung

What’s green and smells like red paint?

  • green paint

Whats red and bad for your teeth

  • a brick

I was diagnosed with colour blindness today,

  • I tell you, that came right out of the purple.

Colours making a phone call... Green green, green green....Yellow!

What colour is the wind

  • blew

What’s grey and can’t fly

  • a car park
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djgw88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"

He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?

"It was a wok in the park."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragna_Blade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I need help from all the dads out there...

You are tasked with making an advertisement for an amusement park, however you want to make it to STOP people from coming to the carnival... I'm curious to see your advertisements, also try to keep the jokes under 50 words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brilliance79
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Where do chains go to rock out?

Linkin Park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simple-fire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I was setting up posts to put caution tape around...

And this old man asked if I was protesting. I explained that we were setting up wooden posts to keep people from parking too close to the building.

He said β€œlooks to me like you’re making a stand....get it?”

Eye roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PassivePlayboy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why. I mean...

The sign clearly said, β€œFine for parking”.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What does a cop and a broken seat have in common?

They’re both a pain in the ass if you don’t park right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Official song of nun's formally leaving a convent:

Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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My son is the best ever at pulling the car aside a curb in line with other vehicles...

His parking is unparalleled!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Making money in the dog exercising business

is a walk in the park.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Word on the street is

No parking

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I always worry that when a woman sees me naked for the first time...

She’s going to scream and run out of the park.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PSN_Clamour_Kid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I like parks in general...

...but zoo are a sick park!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/operian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Did you hear about the Geese protesting?

Did you hear about the Geese protesting at the park? They want gluten free bread.

They organized a shit-in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GravelWarlock
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Quarantine is difficult...

It's certainly no walk in the park.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I left work and a cop followed me home for my entire 50 minute commute then ticketed me in my own driveway.

He approached me after I had parked in my driveway and asked if I knew why he was writing me a ticket.

I told him I had no idea what I had done wrong.

He said that he followed me for my entire commute and not once did I get in an accident. He fined me for wreck-less driving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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How come 11 ants couldn’t park their cars at their ant hill?

Because parking is for ten ants only!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realrhema
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I am going through a lot....

But most of the parking spots are occupied.... So it's gonna take a while.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmolloSmoller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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I used to work at a fire hydrant factory

I could never find a place to park!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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BASEBALL IN HEAVEN

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.

One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other β€” A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

  1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

  2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

  3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.

In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a5paperblank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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I have the heart of a lion...

And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Squirrelly

I got thrown out of a local park for aligning squirrels in order of height. They didn't like me critter sizing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Caught my wife going through the neighbours bins...

She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My friend owns a greenhouse...

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatchRacall
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Seoul, Korea is a very beautiful place.

There’s a Park everywhere I look!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbig22432
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Having a bad memory?

Doc: How can I help you?

Me: I forgot where I parked my Ford. I'm always loosing my Focus.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/napMac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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My Brilliant Humor is Wasted on the Young

This happened today.

I'm at park/playground with my kid. He's playing, I'm throwing a ball for my dog.

Three little girls, maybe around 10 years old, run up. "Can we pet your dog?"

Me, "Sure, would you like to throw the ball for her?"

One of the girls takes the thrower and chucks the ball. It goes a long way.

Me: "Wow, great throw!"

Girl: "I've got my dad's arms."

Me (already laughing on the inside): "Really? What does he use?"

They stare at me.

Sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paul99501
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the phenomenon when you find yourself eating the same Indian curry day after day after day?

A Vindaloop

(and no, I didn't even know about the South Park Episode named that until I searched Reddit to see if this was posted before)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkazen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a dinosaur’s favourite curry house?

Madrasic Park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xVibrancy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATGaming_YT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How many elephants can you fit in a Station Wagon?

FOUR.

How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?

^There's ^footprints ^in ^the ^butter.

How can you tell if there's two elephants in your fridge?

^There's ^two ^sets ^of ^footprints ^in ^the ^butter.

How can you tell if there's three elephants in your fridge?

^You ^can ^hear ^them ^talking.

How can you tell if there's four elephants in your fridge?

^There's ^a ^station ^wagon ^parked ^out ^front.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gusbmoizoos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.

And I can’t find my car in the parking lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Traveling Evangelical Geese...

My morning walk with the dog was cut short today. There's a park we usually wander through so she can sniff and explore, but today we couldn't get in because the path was blocked by an army of angry geese.

I was telling my mom about this and she mentioned there are geese at the river where she and a friend take their dogs, too. She said they must all be in town for some kind of conference. Then she paused for half a second and continued:

I bet it's a religious thing. They're here to preach the goosepel.

(To satisfy the rule: that's a play on gospel.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PupperPuppet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Help me come up with a pun for work!!!

So I’m going to be in charge of a team for work and I need a punny team name involving one of the following words/phrases.

I want my team to be dinosaur/Jurassic Park themed and my company is called Caption Call.

I need to use something from the following list:

Caption Captioner Callers CA CAs Dictate

For example there’s another team called β€œCaption America”

The best I’ve come up with is β€œveloci-captioners” but it’s a reach...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DudleyTheDino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A teenager's car won't start out at the mall one night

He tries everything he knows to do, but finally calls his father for help.

Mom and Dad come up to mall parking lot, dad gets into the car, turns the key once, and the engine roars to life.

The teenager is shocked at how easy it was.

"Dad! What did you do differently? I tried everything!"

"It was easy son. I'm wearing my cargo shorts."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezra611
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
r/dadjokes leaked into my real life

Last week, this gem was posted: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/ckwidu/a_wife_asks_her_husband_could_you_please_go/

I told my wife and kids, got groans. Later, I was on the phone with my dad, making plans to meet at Fenway Park, and told him. He loved it and told my mom. A couple of hours later, he calls me back and is still dying over the joke.

Tuesday night, I was taking my parents to the game (Mothers/Fathers day gift) and met them at the park. When my wife and I arrived, they handed my wife a bag of avocados.

Thanks r/dadjokes for consistently brightening my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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My boyfriend is a big car guy

And he’s fun to mess with.

The other day we drove by a super dusty Porsche in the parking garage at our apartment.

He sadly says β€œI feel bad for that Porsche”

I responded β€œwhat’s a sha?”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KristyKreme13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a few customers) proceeded to mercilessly roast him on the showroom floor.

Looking to me to defend him, he asked, "why don't you back me up?"

I said: "Back up seems to be the last thing you need, I'd just learn to roll with it, you might say I'm pretty neutral..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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My son is nervous about his upcoming driving test.

I said, β€œDon’t worry. Your parallel parking skills are unparalleled.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I asked a parking attendant if I could park on a road.

Parking attendant: you can't park here.

Me: But all these other cars parked here.

Parking attendant: they didn't ask.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy2things
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
"You're drunk," said the policeman.

I said, "I'm not, I promise."

"Can you read the number plate of your car then, please?"

"Not from here," I replied. "It's parked seven miles away on my driveway."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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Got my dad with this one

Currently staying at a hotel with my dad. Next to the parking lot there’s a sign that says β€œpet grounds”, pointing to where you can walk your dog.

My dad reads it aloud, β€œpet grounds”, so I say β€œalright then”.

I crouched down, pet the grass a little bit and said, β€œgood grounds”.

Got a good laugh out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 269
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j_t_n
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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A dad-texted and tested joke

You heard about the bottle of cheap tequila that parked in the parking lot? The security guard came up and said, β€œHey, Jose, you got to leave.” Jose said, β€œΒΏPor quΓ©? It’s a parking lot and I’m parked.” Security guard replies, β€œDidn’t you see the sign? It’s PatrΓ³n parking only.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandapanda17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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So this might have been posted before but...

A boy was in love with a girl. Madly in love. He told his older brother, who suggested he ask her to the upcoming prom. So, that night, he went to her house with some flowers and chocolates and asked the girl to the prom.

She was overjoyed. She took the flowers and hugged him around the neck. When he went home, his brother told him he had to get ready. Prom was in only a week!

The next day, he traveled to a suit store. He picked out the perfect one. It would go perfectly with his date’s dress. He picked his up and went to check out. Unfortunately, it seems a lot of people were buying suits, as the line nearly went out of the store. He groaned, but anything for his love. After two long hours, he finally got his suit.

A couple days later, his brother suggested that he rent a limo. He and his brother went to rent one that evening. When they arrived, they discovered that there were nearly 50 people waiting to rent a vehicle. They waited for nearly three hours, but they were finally able to rent a limo for the big day.

The afternoon before the dance, he went to buy some flowers for his date. Unfortunately, the store seemed to be having a sale, and the checkout lines extended into the parking lot. He stomped his foot. β€œWhy is it that every time I go to buy something, everyone else wants to buy it too?!” He begrudgingly waited for nearly four hour before walking out with a bouquet of roses.

That night, he rode in the limo to his date’s house. She got in, and they talked the entire trip. He presented her with the flowers, which she adored. Her dress was stunning, and went perfectly with his suit.

They arrived at the school and got out, arms linked. They walked inside, said hi to a couple of friends, and began dancing and enjoying the night.

About halfway through the dance, the boy was parched. He told his girl that he was going to get a drink. He walked over to the snack table and discovered that there was no punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohihatethesepants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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The hikes in Yellowstone are too easy.

They're a walk in the park.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Exasperated, I showed him the picture and pleaded, "Doctor, all of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"

He acknowledged grimly, "Indeed, that's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen."

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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I never park my car in the shade due to a little known medical condition.

Park in sun disease.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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Here's one I made up on the spot today that I'm proud of.

So we were at the mint and I was asked 'do we need to pay for parking here?'

I said: don't they make enough money here?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-Bus-dr1ver
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Somebody complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said β€œParking Fine”. So that was nice.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Where do British fish park their cars?

At the carp park of course!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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need puns for gnctr team name

hey guys my team is deciding on a team name on Thursday and I thought I could consult the pun masters of reddit to get the ball rolling. The name usually dictates the theme our team has for the competition and the name is usually a pun of toboggan or sled, previous examples jursled park, this one time at bogg camp, Indiana jones and the raiders of the lost sled. obviously these aren't the best puns so I feel like getting a good one would really sell it this year. thanks!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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Why are there no trees or parks in crowded cities?

Because there’s never any parking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boi_789
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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β€œJudge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Where do chains go to rock out?

Linkin Park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simple-fire
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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β€œJudge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!

πŸ‘︎ 939
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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β€œDoc, all five of my sons want to be valets when they grow up!”

Doctor: Holy shit, this is the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen!

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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β€œJudge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets.”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Sure. I want to contest half of my parking tickets!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...

It said "Parking Fine"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I don’t want a lot for Christmas

I just need one spot to park my car.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One-Jab-Man
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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What should you do when you see a spaceman?

You should park your car, man.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueboy9120
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cruachan2017
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Doc, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doc: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I have ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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"Doc, all my 5 kids want to be valets when they grow up!"

Doctor: "Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease I've ever seen.''

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do if you see a space man?

Park your car in it man!

(I’m very sorry)

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/16fghji
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car man

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beric_au_lait
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why...

The sign clearly said, β€œFine for parking."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I asked my chef friend how hard it would be to make a stir-fry in a meadow?

He said it was just a wok in the park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidrobertson344
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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What do you do when you see a spaceman?

You park, man

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crakii105
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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I know it's kinda shady, but...

I like to park out of the sun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kahnonymous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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I used to work at a fire hydrant factory

I could never find a place to park!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andydwye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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β€œI feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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What do you do when you see a spaceman,

you park in it man. :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UberCow546
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I'd positioned my car correctly.

It said "Parking fine". So that was nice.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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What do you do if you see a spaceman?

You park your car, man

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
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I’m going through a lot right now

I cant seem to find a parking spot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJazzMagic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car , man!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommonDoggo_YT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why...

The sign clearly said, β€œFine for parking."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.

It is called Parking Son's disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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What should you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it man.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimosabbe
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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