A list of puns related to "Ground Floor"
Him: “What’s upstairs?”
Me: Stairs don’t talk.
The next floor, however, is a different story.
Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.
The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.
Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, “Darling, don't you think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted?"
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit ➡I’m board.
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
So at work this morning I opened up a new can of coffee grounds and thought “If I spilled this on the floor...would that be grounds for termination?” 😆
I think it's an effective form of pun-ishment
The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:
"What's upstairs?"
"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.
My response was "It's a house made of steaks. Except the floor of course. That's made of ground beef."
Heard the wife's eyes roll from across the room.
Edit: repeat words
The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”
The barista shakes her head.
“A mocha?”
She shakes her head again.
“Oh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”
She shakes her head.
“An affogato?”
She shakes her head.
The man is getting frustrated at this point. “Can you at least give me a clue!?”
The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. “Ok, the special is in this jar.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.
The barista grabs it too.
They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.
The man stares, “It’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”
The barista shrugs, “I guess you spilled the beans.”
Me: Hey boss how's the morning going?
Boss: Good except I just dropped coffee all over the floor.
Me: You know, that's not why they're called coffee grounds.
Boss: Glaring Intensifies
Okey so theres a mom cow and her kid at a gym and the shes working on her calf and they’re about to leave but then the baby cow starts rolling on the ground throwing a tantrum [mom cow/mc] Stop rolling on the floor and move! [baby cow/bc]* keeps rolling around crying* [mc] theres a good chance if you dont stop You’ll be grounded beef [bc] realizing the steaks are high he stops rolling around and gets up a manager has seen all of this [manager] Hay mam, just wanted to say you milked the situation on the spot. [mc] she states that this would be a tail to tell
In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.
Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.
A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!
But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.
Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.
He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.
As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.
Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.
"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"
Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.
"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are
... keep reading on reddit ➡I wanted to get in on the ground floor.
So today as I was making my morning coffee, I fill up my little K cup thing with my coffee and walk over to the coffee maker to put it in and I spill it all over the floor. I start cleaning it up when my dad walks in and chuckles. I say "What?" And he replies "Hehe, coffee GROUNDS". We had a good laugh.
I opened the cupboard and out falls a bag of "Freshly ground coffee"
It bursts open as it lands on the floor...
I smirked and stated.
"It's okay, it'll be fine, it is ground coffee after all"
Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.
While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).
I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)
The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."
I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.
Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)
What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"
Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.
I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)
I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".
I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten
... keep reading on reddit ➡I was reminded of my own experiences with my dad in the kitchen by /u/85FurnaceFuneral93 's post.
Cooking dinner, it came time to add the frozen peas to the pot. However, as he pulled them out of the freezer, he spilt the bag on the ground.
"Oh no!" he said "I just pea'd all over the floor!"
I work at a zoo on weekends. We were feeding the King Vultures their meat diets today.
The female almost always gets her meat stolen by the male, so we have to keep the male away while she eats the meat off the exhibit floor.
The other keeper wondered aloud why the male would want her food when he has the same thing waiting on his perch. I said "He must prefer ground beef."
Thank you.
I found myself using my eraser and shaking the beers on the table which made a loud annoying sound. So, I picked them up, and put them on the floor, and said "you're grounded"!
I just made a dad joke while doing a dad action. I'm going to make a great dad, so watch out ladies.
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