Groaning food Puns

I sent him a text asking "Hey, can you pick up some dinner?"

He replied with "how heavy is it?"

My dad and I went out to eat some Mexican food.. and this is what he said towards the end of the meal when we wanted to bring a taco back home.

Dad: "It's nice that when I asked him to wrap the taco, he didn't say 'beatboxing noises it's a taco!'."

Noah let out all the animals. Two by two, they disembarked from the ark.

As Noah breathed a sigh of relief, the two snakes that were on the ark came up.

“Noah, Noah!” they cried. “Can you get us some logs?”

Noah, groaning, complied with the request.

Months pass. Noah is making some food in his home when the two snakes he gave logs return with their kids. A lot of them.

They ask, “Can you get us more logs?”

Noah, clearly pissed, says, “Fine. But why the hell do you need logs to reproduce?”

The dad snake replies, “Oh, we’re adders, we need logs to multiply.”

Me: so what's your favourite food? Carrots? Chocolate? Custard?

2 year old: nose

Me: out of all the food you'd pick your nose?

Toddler: grins

Me: groans

It was so bad I knew I had to post it here.

We had Indian food for dinner:

Wife: Do you want the last naan?

Me: But then there would be naan left for you.

Wife: Groan... (she actually said the word groan) Are you ever going to get sick of that joke?

Me: I thought it would have groan on you by now.

So I had a table say they had a hair in their food. I went and apologized and said I would remake it immediately. I brought it out to the table and I told them the secret ingredient I used this time was NAIR. The dad laughed, the mom groaned, and the kid asked what NAIR was, the mom said it was "Hair Remover". The look on the kid's face when she recognized the joke was amazing.... Best shift of my life.

I was making food, beating an egg with a fork and the missus said

"Add salt in the egg"

So I replied

"I'm already assaulting the egg"

My wife let out an audible groan and left me chuckling in the kitchen.

We were in the meat section of food world, picking up some food for dinner.

I ask, "what's the cheapest meat you can buy?"

He looks up from the grocery list and says, "I don't know?"

"Deer testicles. They're under a buck."

He audibly groaned and was not amused. Needless to say, I think I'll be doing the grocery shopping on my own for a little while.

The wife and I had her mother over whilst eating dinner, a la Taco Bell.

After trying some of our daughter's food, my wife insists that it is way spicier than she expected, and proceeds to tell my mother in law she has to try it - Saying "I think it's spicy nacho sauce."

After a moment or so, I piped up "I wouldn't know, it isn't my sauce." and put on my best I made a pun face.

MIL loses it, and my wife looks confused for a few seconds and goes to offer me a taste before the groaning ensued. Victory!

I was home from college for the weekend and my parents decided to take me out to get real food. So I decided I'd make the most of it and order lamb shoulder.

Me: " Well I guess me and this lamb can't be friends anymore."

Dad: " Why is that?"

Me: " Cause he has a giant chip on his shoulder."

*groans from everyone aorund the table"

I'm making enchiladas for my work tomorrow but I forgot to buy baby jack cheese for my cheese enchiladas. I've been calling stores to ask them ahead if they have any, but no store in my neighborhood has it.

I told my dad about my frustrations as I was calling Food 4 Less, and my dad said, "Hey if they don't have it, tell them - tell 'em, 'Well you guys don't have JACK!'"

I then put my hands on my face began groaning as he closed out with, "I perform every Monday through Thursday!"

I'm in the Navy, currently deployed. Happened while standing watch in the middle of the night. The food they serve at night isn't always warm...

Fellow Sailor: "Man, that food was chilly" Me: "I don't know, tasted like roast beef to me"

Commence groaning...

Mom made Dad stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer for dinner because it is one of his favorite foods. So we're sitting around, eating our mushrooms when...

Mom: Kevin [brother], you don't want any mushrooms.

Kevin: grumble

Dad: He's just not a fungi.

groans all around

My family came back home from eating chinese and then my dad got back home from work a couple of hours later. That's when my mom says "We went to eat chinese, but I didn't really eat right. I wasn't really having the feeling for it at the time. I only ate a few plates" that's when my dad drops "That's why you couldn't eat right. You're supposed to eat the food, not the plates!"

My groan was heard past Andromeda and will be talked about for generations to come.

And it's common to find döner and kebap as street food. After walking around a whole day with my friends, we found a 3 seat bench and squeezed all 4 of us on it. After we settled, I turned to my friends and said "Hehehe. 'Squish' kebap." Head shakes, groans, and "so bad, it's good" laughter followed.

As I pass a truck carrying horse food, I point to it and yell "HAY"

My whole family, slightly startled, looks around, at what I'm so excited about, then realize, and in unison roll their eyes and groan

My name is Paul and I cooked dinner for the family last night for my son's birthday. We were talking about the food and my brother-in-law (who is also a dad) turns to me and says "yes, it's cooked to paul-fection!"

Many groans were had.

Waiter: "What did you order, sir?" Me: "Oh, I'm the club sandwich on wheat." Dad: "Excuse me, son. They don't serve food here." groan

My friend went to a restaurant with work and was talking about how fancy the place was.

Me: How much was it?
Him: It was like $30/plate.
Me: Wow how much did the food cost?

groan

Working as a waiter, I have a couple of wonderful/awful/wonderfully awful jokes when customers place an order. For example...

"Can I please have the rabbit pasta?"

"Oh I'm not sure I'd recommend that, there have been numerous complaints about a hare in their food."

And for the steaks...

"How would you like that cooked?"

"Well done."

"Thanks, but I'm just doing my job."

I either get laughs, confused looks or groans; most of the time I get a combination of the three. But since I'm childless (19 seems a tad young) I have to get my dad jokes out somehow.

Having Indian food with good flatbread.

Me: "I'm glad we didn't have the bread for an appetizer tonight."

Family: "What, why?"

Me: "Would have been a total Naan-starter..."

Much eye rolling and begrudging groans followed.

We are both males, and we were at the register at Chipotle...

Chipotle Girl: Are you two together or separate? (referring to the food)

Co-worker: Oh no, we're just friends.

Three other people in line groaned.

It's my birthday and my whole family is here, my dad asked what a certain food was and my mum said

"this is spelt"

And my dad just went "how's that spelt then?!"

A wave of groans from around the table.

We were celebrating my vegetarian uncle's birthday out at Sweet Tomatoes, which is a salad buffet restaurant. They have other things too, like pastas, breads, and soups.

My uncle settles down at his table, and loudly remarks to my aunt:

Uncle: "You know, this place is great and all..."

Her: "Yeah? What's wrong?"

Uncle: "I don't know. By the time I get all my food together from the buffet line..."

Aunt: "...what?"

Uncle: "My salad gets cold!"

Groans were heard all around.

So after ordering my food, I am standing to the side waiting on my meal. The lady behind the counter looks at a few of us and says, "I'm tired." I couldn't resist the urge... I replied "Hi tired, I'm the Hash_Slingin_Slasha."
Queue simultaneous silent groan from everyone within a 20' radius.

We were getting ready to cook some food for the family gathering we had today, and my mom pulls my dads camouflage apron out of a box. It had some writing on it but it was hard to read because of the color. She says to me, "I can't even see this." In which I reply, "WELL IT IS CAMOFLAGE!"

And that was the groan heard round the world.

Had some food from the grill tonight, including grilled veggies.

Wife asked me to hand her the plate with the veggies for seconds. I told her there was some spare zucchini, but we didn't have a spare agus.

All around the table there were groans, except my step dad who thought it was hilarious.

Me: Hey! Are you going to the presentation later? Free lunch!

Her: No, I don't think so. I can be really addicted to food so I'm trying to quite cold turkey.

Me: Well maybe they'll have warm turkey instead!
Groans from office

Whenever me and my siblings would go to McDonald's or something with my mom.

"Drive-thru person: Here's your food, do you need anything else?

Mom: No thanks, I think we're fine!

Drive-thru person: Would you like a cupholder?

Mom: No thanks, I brought my brought my own! nods her head in our direction"

Followed by the groans of her 4 embarrassed children in the back seat.

First I should preface that the restaurant we went to had a sucker with every meal. They also had a plate of pickles for appetizers. So naturally we got some pickles and fries for appetizers and I ordered some beer battered fish sticks for my main meal. But for some reason the main course came out before the appetizers, so there was some debate as to whether or not they should even bring out the appetizers.

Me: "Sounds like we're in a bit of a pickle."

Others: Groans.

Meal continues and naturally people are curious how everybody's food is.

Friend: "Tabbou, how is your food?"

Me: "I don't know... It takes kinda... fishy..."

Friend: "Tabbouuuuu..."

Finally, as we're getting out our chairs to leave, my friend holds up her sucker and asks, "Does anybody want this?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm a real sucker for them."

Friend: "Tabou, stop."

Other random customers sitting near us, "Hey, you're a sucker for these? Take ours!"

I scored four suckers tonight.

Was out at a food event in the city. We walked by a stand that sold different types of pear dishes. I looked at the GF and said "Well it looks like they came prepeared". A groan ensued, while I laughed.

Preface: My dad, mom, and I went out to eat mexican food. Like we usually do, we order a huge platter of nachos and demolish the whole thing. Surely we are full even before our main course arrives. We all ordered combination platters that consisted of, burritos, enchiladas, and tacos which were overflowing with lettuce that no one except for my mom wanted to eat. My mom kept on nagging my dad and I to eat the lettuce so that it would lighten us up and make us feel less full:

Mom (for the 10th time): You boys should eat your lettuce. Come on now.

Me: Mom lettuce be!

Immediately my mom cringed and groaned, while my dad, after repeating the joke, gave a hearty chuckle.

Him: Well shit, eat it if you fucking want to, it's your goddamn food. Me (sitting there 18 weeks pregnant): Watch your foul language, the baby can hear you now. Him: Babe, you know I can't speak bird. /groan/

So let me set the scene. Me and a friend are sitting at wendy's (were both 17) and this old gentleman walks in. He orders his food, sits down to eat it, then out of no where, gets up and comes over to us. He continues to tell us how he saw someone fall off his bike on the walk here, he goes to walk away, and he says "wait, if anyone ever tells you to go to the doctor cause you're sick, and that doctors name is doctor duck, don't do it because he's a quack." My friend was dying laughing and I just groaned.

So, my GF was watching True Blood. I had donated platelets today, which I do every month. The following exchange ensued:

Me: "I wonder do vampires like platelets?"

GF: "They probably consider it one of their main food groups. Like we would view amino acids."

Me: "You're a meano!" (she has to endure lot of shite like this."

GF: "Well you're acidic!"

Me: "What are you basing this on?"

GF: groan

My boyfriend was just finishing up cooking for his friends as one of them was plating the food. He (friend A) asked his girlfriend (friend B) to find him a fork.

Friend A: "did you find a fork?"

Friend B: "no, but I do have a spork!"

Friend A: "I don't need that, I hate using sporks!"

Me: "aw, don't be such a spoiled spork!"

I at least got a groan from one of them

So I am at lunch with a bunch of coworkers for a birthday lunch. We are eating Thai food and I ordered hot. One of the women at the table says "I hope it's not too hot" as my food comes out to which I responded "it can't be. It's not even steaming" many groans by the women at the table.

I work as a manager at a fast food restaurant. Come closing time last night, one of my employees walks up to me and says "Hey, I'm going to fix some food before I leave, is that ok?"

"Fix some food? Who broke it?"

"What?"

"Well, if you're fixing it, somebody had to break it, right?"

She just groaned, rolled her eyes, and walked away.

I was ordering my food and the employee at the register asked me, "will that be for here or to go?" I looked at him really confused and said, "uh no, I was planning on sitting over there, if that's alright."

No groans, he got a kick out of it and my friends sadly walked away before they could hear me.

We were going to pick up good from our local Vietnamese restaurant and we were getting pho, a vietnamese soup. My dad pulls into the parking lot and asks me to go get the food, and I groan, so he says "aw what the pho, its not even a big deal". Ha ha dad.