They sure are good at lifting spirits.
Dad, if this place is NOT Berry’s farm, then whose farm is it??
But that’s just my two scents
She wanted me to listen to a recording from a church service, asking if I thought a sound was a chair sliding or a fart.
I said, “Well, it’s a pew either way.”
“Nooooo!” she replied.
We were throwing a frisbee and my toss dropped short.
Him: “UGH! Why, dude?!”
Me: “What comes after Y?”
Him: “Dude!”… “and also, Z.”
A proud and wonderful day.
Edit attempt: structure. On mobile and I’m not sure how this all works.
I think we might be ricist
He said it was mushy.
Before the meeting, we were talking about TVs and the convo went like this:
Me: Do you have a smart TV? Most of them have those streaming apps already installed.
Coworker: Nah, it's an ancient SmartTV. It's as smart as Forrest Gump.
Serious Coworker: Hey, that means it runs well.
My coworker and I: "...Nice."
Returning a Serb
Imma start an aeroplane service exclusively for bald people
I'll call it "Receding Airlines"
I did my cares and then said "okay call me if you need anything, I'll be back".
So he said "Sure, I'll be Beethoven- you'll be Bach".
It’s your good eye mate.
Fine motor control
But I am outstanding in my field.
It was a really hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
On Teams Chat Boss: “When should we meet tomorrow?” Me: “Morning works best for me” Boss: “10-4” Me: “I don’t think it needs to be 6 hours”
...is shocking.
That's why it is called "significant" other .... sign-if-I-cant!
What's wobbly and fly's in the sky?
A jellycopter.
I thought it was hilarious. I love a running gag!
I recently had bone surgery in my left pinky, so I've been keeping him updated on the recovery. I sent him a photo of my swollen bruised purple pinky and he says, "Okay so none of that looks right. Is it your left hand?"
It makes the meat very tender.
But on the other hand, there's five fingers
When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
They're outstanding in their field.
Friend: Man my eye hurts so much.
Me: Aww what happened?
Friend: My little sister and I were playing around on the stairs. I slipped and my eye hit the back of her (points down to her ankle) leg.
Me: Awww that's sucks. I really hope your eye heels.
Friend: (Surprised Pikachu Face)
But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house
Knock knock
Who's there?
The chicken
But that’s just my two scents.
