Goldberg, Germany Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

P1 Collaborator CEPI.

P3 Collaborator ADVACCINE

INNOVATE P3 Locations to this point with dates...thanks INOXRAY.

US AMBASSADOR GOLDBERG working with Colombia on behalf of INOVIO-USA-CHINA-and WHO described as (persistence)

The phase 3 INNOVATE trials seem so mysterious under stealth mode but when you really examine the relationships and timeline of events it starts to tell a story.

CEPI is out and CHINA is in, ADVACCINE is now a partner of USA PHASE 3 plus all the global countries. Let that sink in, China is now the partner on global trials IN USA plus all the other countries. A COLLABORATION with BEIJING and WASHINGTON, this is not an accident while China is also running PHASE 3 primary plus BOOSTER under ADVACCINE in China on its own just to keep things moving politically.

Part 1 we discussed the 4 hemispheres of required protection that cover Earth and how the WHO is working towards strong coverage over the NORTHERN hemisphere with SVT factories starting in COLOMBIA and then likely Mali (Africa) Philippines and several new countries soon TBA. Most countries will touch 2 hemispheres or more.

SVT country by hemisphere

Colombia-NORTHERN/SOUTHERN

MALI-AFRICA-NORTHERN/WESTERN

PHILIPPINES-NORTHERN/EASTERN

Southern1, Western 1, Eastern 1 and Northern 3.

Next we will examine the INNOVATE trials and look at how well it covers the globe from a macro level by hemisphere.

INNOVATE country plus hemisphere

BRAZIL-SOUTHERN/WESTERN

MEXICO-NORTHERN/WESTERN

PHILIPPINES-NORTHERN/EASTERN

COLOMBIA-NORTHERN/SOUTHERN

INDIA-NORTHERN/EASTERN

THAILAND-SOUTHERN/EASTERN

USA - NORTHERN/WESTERN

SOUTHERN 3, EASTERN 4, WESTERN 3 NORTHERN 5.

Next CHINA PHASE 3 and booster are in trial separate from INNOVATE or SVT.

CHINA-NORTHERN/EASTERN

Total check marks by country hemisphere breaks down like this so far.

Western hemisphere -4

Eastern hemisphere - 6

Southern hemisphere -7

Northern hemisphere -9

Top Western countries required

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

I wish you fellow ski jumping enthusiasts a wonderful day!I know off season can be a terribly boring experience, so today I’ve got something for you, to amp us all up for the World Cup kicking off next week!It often seems, in ski jumping, there basically are statistics for everything, but I have noticed something lacking that needed to be remedied: An all-time World Cup points counter seems to not exist; or if it does I haven’t been able to find it.

So… I did it myself. For today’s jumpers, it started out quite easily, you can check the points they earned throughout the seasons and add them together – simple enough! But wait, there is a problem: FIS enacted scoring changes ahead of the 1993/94 season – The system we know today, with the winner earning 100 points and the rest of the top 30 getting less accordingly (until 30th getting 1 point) did not exist before then, yet the Ski Jumping World Cup started in 1979/80!

For the athletes/seasons before 1993/94, I had to look up *all* their individual results (at least those where they were 30th or better) and calculate the points they would have gotten with today’s system.

At this point, my list includes almost 400 individual athletes, with their total amount of World Cup points earned (or theoretically earned if FIS always had had today’s system).

Okay, I think I have rambled long enough for now, here are the top 20 World Cup ski jumpers of all time, only sorted by total points, not any other accolades:

20th: Wolfgang Loitzl (Austria) – 7211 pointsOne of the very few ski jumpers to ever get a jump with all 5 judges awarding a full 20 points for style opens the top 20. Part of the incredibly successful Pointner era of Austrian ski jumping, he is the first one on the list over 7000 points – the 21st best has 6974.

19th: Roar Ljoekelsoey (Norway) – 7538 points

Surprisingly enough, he is the only Norwegian we will encounter on this list. Ljoekelsoey can look back on quite the career, and despite never being as successful in World Championships or Olympic games as some of his compatriots, none of them were quite as long-term successful in the World Cup, even if he never won the overall thing, getting beaten to 2nd twice by Ahonen in the ‘04 and ’05 seasons.

18th: Ernst Vettori (Austria) – 7623 points

One of the biggest stars of the early years of the World Cup in the mid 80’s, like Ljoeckelsoey he got 2nd twice in the overall ranking. 15 individual wins is nothing to scoff at, and with the seasons

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.