Goes Ahead Puns

He goes up to the widow and says, “I’m so sorry for your loss, may I say a word?”

The widow says, “Yes, go ahead”

The man goes up to the stand and says, “Plethora”

The widow then says, “Thank you, that means a lot”

Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.

So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

He gets to the hospital and they say "sorry but we have no human ears left, but we can get you one from a pig"

The man agrees and the transplant goes ahead. He grows out his hair a little so people won't notice and then waits for his check up.

The doctors ask "How are you enjoy your new ear?" and the man says "It's okay, but there's a little crackling in it"

(credit to my dad for trolling me)

The owner of my company goes, "Well we finally got our sales team back so we are ready to go."

Me: "Full sales ahead!"

Me, 8 or 9, with pop driving down the road.

Pass a sign.

Dad goes "Hey, stop!" and grabs my head with one hand, holding it still.

Uh, what are you doing?

That sign said "Stop ahead!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Every time I was in the car with my Dad and he saw a sign that said "Stop Ahead", he would literally stop and look for a head in the road. The same goes for the sign "Drawbridge", he would look around the car for a pencil or pen.