"Who"
...My ass cheeks.
I guess only small gatherings are allowed.
Or what I like to call COVID.
Can't wait to hear My Corona played again!
It was a pun knot intended.
It’s Gallon-tine’s Day after all.
I said, "Owl see."
Cue eye rolling from her.
... they are going to be know as Chris Straits.
Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best
Asking for a friend
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Dead. You get dead.
I asked if it would be ok if they gathered their swords instead. She was not amused.
But with COVID I don’t think it’s in the cards.
And that’s how baby showers are made
I mean, first I win the lottery and now this
Dodge ball can become dangerous, but it's fun.
It's "In the Pen Dance Day"!
Vel-crow
A beef encounter
There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area
You get a Sheeporghini and a Ramborghini to fall in love.
My 12-year-old daughter and I came up with this one together.
So, Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce She gets the house and He gets the Windows!
According to Melinda Gates, Bill just didn't Excel at his marriage. Apparently he had no Power Points while arguing, but he always had to have the last Word And now that he no longer had Access to her heart, the Outlook was not looking good for them. They couldn’t work together as Teams On the Surface they were a perfect couple, but deep down there was hardly any Kinect. He kept everything hidden like an X-Box and she never found it re- Azuring. The main reason she divorced Bill Gates because he was in Office365 days.
It's our hey-ride.
I should have known she'd try to Stahl...
I like to meat and ketchup
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
Pulp friction
When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.
When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.
I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!
Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!
Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!
That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. “This technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. “Can you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”
“Yeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,“but it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained “When these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” “Treating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.
Knock knock
“It’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.
“There are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” “That future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.
She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. “Don’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.
Knock knock
“Now let that sink in!”
clicked with one another really well.
Couple days...
It’s gonna be quite the par-tee.
We're just social faux pas.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
Then we could have a Soviet re-Union
An antelope!
A Soviet Reunion
You've got yourself a Portmanteaublerone!
So he checked the plumbing thread.
