Get ready for
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📅︎ Nov 11 2020
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I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?

He replied "Chai, nah".

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👤︎ u/joker-here
📅︎ Nov 03 2020
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You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

👍︎ 7k
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👤︎ u/dandan_56
📅︎ Mar 13 2020
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You've heard of Wooly Willy, now get ready for...
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📅︎ Sep 02 2020
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My SO: "Can I get you a plate ready for the dinner?"

"Yes, si vous plate."

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👤︎ u/imdchange
📅︎ May 26 2020
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This is a little long so get ready

So this dad likes to listen to his daughter's prayers every time she does them. One night when he is standing by her door, he overhears her say "God bless mom, God bless dad, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa." The dad is thinking "Ok that was pretty weird, but whatever."

The next morning, he learns that the grandpa DIED. He remembers what his daughter said last night and thinks "Ok umm this could all just be a coincidence" and he thinks nothing of it.

A month later and the daughter is doing the prayers again. "God bless mom, God bless dad, and goodbye grandma."

Once again, the dad learns the next morning, that the grandma has died from a heart attack. Now he's a little freaked out and thinks "This definitely cannot be a coincidence now, but it still could be, so whatever."

A few weeks later, he hears from his daughter's room, again, "God bless mom, and goodbye dad." Now he is totally freaking out because he thinks he's gonna die today. He spends all day being really cautious so he, you know, doesn't die. At 12:00am, he thinks "Yes! I made it! I didn't die!"

Once he gets home from work, he goes over and he tells his wife, "Honey, I've had a really bad day today and-"

The wife cuts in and says, "Yea me too! The mailman died on our porch!"

~this is my first post so ╮(─▽─)╭ ~

👍︎ 82
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📅︎ Apr 12 2019
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Well It's 1 for the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready.....

4 For Sales

5 For Customer Service or

6 to hear these options again

👍︎ 367
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📅︎ Jan 02 2019
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You’ve heard of elf on a shelf now get ready for
👍︎ 29
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📅︎ Feb 06 2019
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You’ve heard of Thomas the Tank Engine, now get ready for Jet-Ski Gretzky!
👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Jul 07 2019
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I had a date with Oxygen the other night. To get ready, she used an

Air conditioner

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📅︎ May 02 2019
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When my wife walks the dog, I always help her get the dog ready.

It's the leash I can do.

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📅︎ Apr 27 2019
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How do you get ready for a party in space?

You planet

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📅︎ Jul 05 2019
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Trying to get ready but everything in your closet is a bust
👍︎ 92
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📅︎ Jul 24 2017
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How does a ghost do to get ready to haunt somewhere?

Draw up some booprints.

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📅︎ Mar 19 2019
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I starved myself all day to get ready for the pi competition

There was no pie... only people reciting pi from memory. The pie was a lie

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📅︎ Mar 14 2019
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You've heard of Schindler's list, now get ready for...
👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Sep 21 2018
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Get ready for a pounding
👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/SalazarRED
📅︎ Jan 04 2018
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There is a lot of things I need to do in order to get ready for work in the morning

going pee is a clear number 1.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Aug 22 2018
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How do aliens get ready for a party?

They plan-it.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Mar 07 2018
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2 friends raced to see who could get their Christmas presents ready the fastest.

It was a wrap battle.

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📅︎ Dec 12 2015
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Helping my daughter get ready for school

She hands me a pair a pants and says put these on. I tell her I don't think these will fit. She rolls her eyes and says no dad put these on me.

👍︎ 19
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👤︎ u/dynodanz
📅︎ Nov 03 2015
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Gotta get the truck ready for fatherhood.

http://i.imgur.com/vpLEjWM.jpg

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Eddie4510
📅︎ May 01 2017
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Had to get up out of bed to post this one, I think I'm ready to be a father.

Something fell off the bed and I was curious what it was.

Me: What was that? Wife: Ugh I kneed my phone off of the bed. Me: Why do you need your phone off of the bed?

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📅︎ Feb 24 2015
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He doesn't get to use it often, but when the situation presents itself, he has this one ready

International traveler: We bought ______ at the airport, duty free. Dad: Duty free, huh? No shit!

👍︎ 14
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📅︎ Oct 09 2013
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He gets me every year, I'll be ready this time.

Leave house to celebrate New Year's Eve with friends.

Me : I'll be back tomorrow.

Dad : See ya next year!

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📅︎ Dec 09 2013
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I'm sure you've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for..

Times New Ramen

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👤︎ u/Fitzz7
📅︎ Sep 14 2019
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How does NASA get ready for a party?

They planet. 🙆‍♀️

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Jan 08 2018
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