https://youtu.be/v5CZQpqF_74
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
1x01: Angel - MASSIVE ATTACK
1x02: The Truth (feat. Roisin & J-Live) - HANDSOME BOY MODELING SCHOOL
1x03: Live With Me - MASSIVE ATTACK
1x05: Intro - THE XX
1x07: Sinnerman - NINA SIMONE
1x08: I Know You Are But What Am I - MOGWAI
1x09: It's personal - THE RADIO DEPT.
1x10: U.N.K.L.E feat. Ian Astbury - When Things Explode
1x15: If I Had a Heart - FEVER RAY
1x16: Down Boy - YEAH YEAH YEAHS
1x18: Amongster- POLIÇA
1x19: Burn My Shadow - UNKLE Ne Me Quitte Pas - NINA SIMONE
1x21: Revenge (feat. The Flaming Lips) - DANGER MOUSE, SPARKLEHORSE
2x03: Titanium (feat. Geno Segers, Rizwan Manji & Tymberlee Hill)- PERFECT HARMONY CAST
She's Long Gone - THE BLACK KEYS
2x05: Building Steam With A Grain Of Salt - DJ SHADOW
2x06: Boom Boom - JOHN LEE HOOKER
2x08: One of These Mornings - MOBY
2x10: Gimme Shelter - THE ROLLING STONES
2x16: Future Starts Slow - THE KILLS
3x01: Feeling Good - NINA SIMONE
Dawn of a New Day (Song of the World's Fair) - HORACE HEIDT & HIS MUSICAL KNIGHTS
3x03: I Know U Know - TATIANA OWENS
3x10: Hurt - JOHNNY CASH
Miami Showdown - DIGITALISM
Colour In Your Hands (feat. Fink) - D.L.I.D
3x20: Para La Habana - JOHANNES LINSTEAD
Medicine - DAUGHTER
3x23: Exit Music (For a Film) - RADIOHEAD
4x01: I'd Love To Change the World - JETTA
4x02: Roads - PORTISHEAD
4x03: Whatta Man (Salt-N-Pepa feat. en Vogue) [with En Vogue] - SALT-N-PEPA, EN VOGUE
Too Marvelous For Words - FRANK SINATRA
4x11: Fortune Days - THE GLITCH MOB
4x12: The Violent Bear It Away - MOBY
4x16: Blame (feat. John Newman) - CALVIN HARRIS
4x20: Happy New Year (Remastered) - NAT "KING" COLE
4x22: Welcome to the Machine - PINK FLOYD
5x01: No Wow - THE KILLS
5x06: Love Is the Thing - NAT "KING" COLE
5x09: Fake Empire - THE NATIONAL
5x10: New Dawn Fades - MOBY
The Day the World Went Away - NINE INCH NAILS
5x13: Bunsen Burner - CUTS
Metamorphosis: Metamorphosis One
- PHILIP GLASS
Bonus+ Ramin Djawadi: Listening with A Million Ears, Root of All Evil, Mr. Reese, Can You Hear Me, Shaw, If Then Else, Reese On Ice etc.
It really does, I swear!
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.)
