My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.
He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.
And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.
My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.
She's 7, here's her attempt:
I saw someone on the couch, with no beard and my husband has a beard and my real husband started screaming "he's trying to steal all your money." That's the joke. Well, it might not be a joke, but it's funny. And then I said "it's you, you idiot, you shaved your beard off." It's a dad joke because it has a dad in it.
Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.
Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?
Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!
He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.
Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!
I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.
My kid's school is having a jogaton to raise money for the schools garden. I thought the kids would get a kick out of some funny motivational posters with vegetable/herbs/fruits puns. Please help me Reddit as I'm not nearly as creative as you.
This is directly translated from greek, but you'll get it.
Me: Hey, dad, do you have any money?
Dad: Yeah, don't worry about me.
He cracks up and searches all over the house for my mom to tell his joke.
I didn't want to admit it, but it was pretty funny. Almost forgot about the money. Almost.
At the zoo and my 11yo boy says he wants a souvenir I said "you got money"? He says "no" so I said then your getting souvenAIR lol. He didn't find it as funny as me.
Backstory: Many years ago I was living on my own about 45 minutes away from my parents. I had a stable job but didn't make much money and was broke most of the time. I had an old beat up car that was my only form of transportation. I would always have mechanical issues with the car and finally one morning it decided it wouldn't start no matter what.
I sheepishly had to call in to work and explain the situation and let them know that I would have to take a sick day but would figure some way to get to work the next day. I called my dad and he offered to come pick the car up on his trailer and take it back to his garage to work on it and get it in shape to trade it in.
He drives to my apartment, we get the car on the trailer and we are headed back to his house. The whole ride there I'm pretty pissed off and depressed about the whole situation. I'm worried about finding a new car and how I'm going to afford it and what I'm gonna do if I can't get it running again.
Dad senses my mood and pretty much keeps quiet the whole time. We get about three blocks away from his house and he utters this gem.
"Man, this car won't get off my ass. He's been tailgating me for 45 minutes now."
This was the perfect thing to snap me out of my funk and break the tension. I absolutely lost it. Only a Dad Joke could make me realize how trivial the whole thing was. I have told this joke to others who didn't really think it was that funny, but to me at the time it was the greatest thing ever.
Thanks Dad.
Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."
My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."
OK, yesterday was my sons 6th birthday and he wanted some sort of dog-robot for present but i didnt want to trow money away because i know what they (he and second son) do with toys :) so i told my wife that i would buy him skateboard, because he asked it half-year ago for it, wife said ok, but please buy him also new slippers.
I picked up him from nursery and sit him in his seat and asked him what he want for present, he still wanted robot. Then i told him that i want to buy him something he can ride. He was so exited, he asked me is that a car, i said " can u drive", he said "no, i am too yung", then he asked is that motorbyke, i replayed same, then he asked is that bike, i aksed him, does he already have bike, and he replayed yes, alse happend for scooter. After that he didnt have any more ideas. Then i told him that i will bought him slippers, because u ride slippers (sords of it :D) he was so angry/mad/sad i cant explan :D
ofc i bought him skateboard, but that was so funny for me, that look on his face when he heard slippers, omg
sry for grammar and bad english
