If you need to measure the height of something using a tape measure, find a good one and start from the top down.
Most tape measures don't measure up
While getting help from my multiplication tutor they waved their pencil and all the numbers dissapeared from my page, leaving just a fluffy white rabbit sitting on top of the paper.
Turns out they were a mathemagician
Did you hear about the climber that disappeared from the top of Mt. Everest?
He vanished out of thin air.
What do you call the top floor of a building if it's made from candy?
Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
Scientists wanted to see what would happen if they dropped a bowling ball from the top of the Empire State Building.
It was a groundbreaking experiment.
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
I had to ask for help to reach my favorite TV dinner from the top shelf of the frozen foods aisle.
The steaks were too high.
I was going to tell a joke about a prisoner transferring from a cell on the top floor to one on the bottom floor...
...but the punchline is con descending.
Why was the butcher nervous getting the meat from the top shelf?
The steaks were too high!
Today I was reaching for a board game from our shelf. The one on top of the pile quickly slid down and hit me in the face. It was that game where you go around in a car and add family members, choose a career, have kids, etc.
A painful reminder that LIFE comes at you fast.
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
Why was the farmer afraid to rescue the cow from on top of the barn?
The steaks were too high.
Just got an epic eye roll for this: My son was showing me his school work from math, where he was learning fractions. I pointed to where he wrote his name on a line at the top and asked what that fraction was.
I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her.
Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....
One Whole
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.
I dropped my phone from the top of the Eiffel Tower
It's ok, it was in airplane mode
On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ock…obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill
What are the top two reasons you shouldn’t drink water from a toilet?
Number 1)...and number 2)
Here is my Top 10 list of favorite years from the past decade.
(In chronological order)
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018
2019
it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.
I got booted off stage at a Karaoke bar. I was trying to sing 'Danger Zone' from that Top Gun movie. I forgot the lyrics three times.
They said I exceeded my Loggins attempts.
I got fired from my job of making a double or multiple fold in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching the top or side.
Right before every tennis match I play, my dad, who is a professional tennis player, smiles at me from the top of the stairs.
I just have to look up to him, you know.
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