Who never let disability hold him back
As a break from my usual posts about housing and transport, this is an essay about pirates.
Most coastal cities in America follow a pretty standard pattern. Nearly all of them grew up around a port, so it follows naturally that the metropolitan center of gravity is still there today. Downtown SF is on San Francisco Bay; Manhattan is literally on the Hudson; Philadelphia sits on the Delaware; DC sits on the Potomac. But LA is weird. Unlike every other major coastal city in North America, Downtown LA is a full 20 miles from the Pacific.
Pirates are to blame.
Wait, what? Pirates? Like, skull and crossbones, yo-ho-ho pirates?
Yes. Those kinds of pirates. LA was originally established way the hell inland because LA was founded by the Spanish, and the Spanish were paranoid about pirates attacking their cities. This paranoia had a really, really good basis in history, because the Spanish learned the hard way that cities needed to be protected from pirates.
See, the oldest Spanish cities established in the Americas were all ports. (In some cases, the Spanish took over existing cities like Tenochtitlan/Mexico City or Cuzco, Peru, but that's not the topic of this essay.) Santo Domingo (founded 1491), Havana (1519), Veracruz (1519) and San Juan, Puerto Rico (1521) are all built the way you'd expect a city to be built: the city spreads out from the port, and the city's center even today is within a few miles of the water. It's what the English did in Boston, what the Dutch did in New York, and what the French did in New Orleans.
Thing is, the Spanish success in conquering the Americas eventually caught up with it. It's virtually impossible to defend an empire stretching from Tierra del Fuego to Cape Mendocino, and Spain's European rivals figured that out very quickly. (As someone once said, "mo' money, mo' problems.") In the first century after Columbus, French, English and Dutch pirates were already wreaking merry hell on Spanish possessions. French pirate François le Clerc (the first pirate with a known peg leg) burned Santiago, Cuba in 1554 and destroyed it so thoroughly that the Spanish moved the capital to Havana. Sir Francis Drake
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
A play on words.
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
As a break from my usual posts about housing and transport, this is an essay about pirates.
Most coastal cities in America follow a pretty standard pattern. Nearly all of them grew up around a port, so it follows naturally that the metropolitan center of gravity is still there today. Downtown SF is on San Francisco Bay; Manhattan is literally on the Hudson; Philadelphia sits on the Delaware; DC sits on the Potomac. But LA is weird. Unlike every other major coastal city in North America, Downtown LA is a full 20 miles from the Pacific.
Pirates are to blame.
Wait, what? Pirates? Like, skull and crossbones, yo-ho-ho pirates?
Yes. Those kinds of pirates. LA was originally established way the hell inland because LA was founded by the Spanish, and the Spanish were paranoid about pirates attacking their cities. This paranoia had a really, really good basis in history, because the Spanish learned the hard way that cities needed to be protected from pirates.
See, the oldest Spanish cities established in the Americas were all ports. (In some cases, the Spanish took over existing cities like Tenochtitlan/Mexico City or Cuzco, Peru, but that's not the topic of this essay.) Santo Domingo (founded 1491), Havana (1519), Veracruz (1519) and San Juan, Puerto Rico (1521) are all built the way you'd expect a city to be built: the city spreads out from the port, and the city's center even today is within a few miles of the water. It's what the English did in Boston, what the Dutch did in New York, and what the French did in New Orleans.
Thing is, the Spanish success in conquering the Americas eventually caught up with it. It's virtually impossible to defend an empire stretching from Tierra del Fuego to Cape Mendocino, and Spain's European rivals figured that out very quickly. (As someone once said, "mo' money, mo' problems.") In the first century after Columbus, French, English and Dutch pirates were already wreaking merry hell on Spanish possessions. French pirate François le Clerc (the first pirate with a known peg leg) burned Santiago, Cuba in 1554 and destroyed it so thoroughly that the Spanish moved the capital to Havana. Sir Francis Drake
... keep reading on reddit ➡