The wife and I were at the marriage counselor. "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?" The marriage counselor asked glaring at me.

I look at my wife frustratingly and shout "You never even told me you sold flowers!?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife’s mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers

I honestly didn’t even know she sold flowers

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pawpaw69420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flower getting a sex change ?

A Transplant.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m not sure why people refer to women’s privates as a flower

All I see is two lips.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/densenuggets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of flowers do sailors give on Valentine’s Day?

Forget-me-knots.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QX943
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
There's a caterpillar near the flower
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/asyazzz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of flower do you have if everyone in the country drove a pink car?

A pink carnation

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
How many lips do flowers have?

Tu-lips.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
You can't plant any flowers

If you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
How do flowers whistle?

With their tulips.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of flower is the best at math?

Sumflowers

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/God_of_Pumpkins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the outraged flower say ?

What in Carnation ?!?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife has been complaining that I don’t buy her flowers. Tbh I don’t even know she started selling flowers.

Couldn’t post it earlier. Doing dishes, making everyone’s bed, taking trash and all the other household chores ate up all my evening.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shishir-nsane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard, and taking poops on my flower bed.

His dog is not as bad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

is that a romantic jester?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlenney1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend - Hey man could you call for some flowers for me from online?

Me - Yeah sure bro I will cauliflowers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pranavbrijwani
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
At a clown’s funeral, everybody brought flowers.

There wasn’t a dry face in the house.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pfisher42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to plant flowers

Problem is she hasn’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the passengers receive flowers when their plane landed in Hawaii?

Their flight was deleied.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flower with a mouth?

Tulips

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_canadanian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why would I buy flowers when I don't like them!
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do flowers sleep?

The flower bed

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KB0MB3R
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a flower propel a bicycle?

It petals!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad went to a flower shop

Dad: Have you guys got any cut flowers?

Flower store employee: No, but we have potted flowers.

Dad: Ah, well do you have scissors?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QzBlaze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, do you like flowers?

Some, on a vase by vase basis.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BubblyCatfish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said I never buy her flowers...

..., to be honest I never knew she is selling them.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that

I put it in the wrong place...... 3 years ago

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/newdoc123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What flower does everyone have on their head?

Tulips

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/torchpenny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers...

...if you haven’t botany

πŸ‘︎ 374
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PirateboarderLife
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flower that is full of electricity?

A power plant. My 6 y/o and I came up with that haha

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ccrosssss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
*sighs* You know what melancholy flowers make me think of?

Melons and cauliflowers

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djam109
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell the difference between flowers that bloom in the day and flowers that bloom in the night?

The difference is day and night.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/will_it_skillet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...

I told them that they were still a few yards away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerica80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the rock say to the flower ok bloomer.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GemApples
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Never buy flowers from a monk...

Only you can prevent florist friars

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shroomtree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Cops just arrested a protester throwing flowers...

they deemed it an act of Violets.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What flower can kiss two people at once?

A tulip

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theodot1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know robin hood owned a Flower shop?

It was called the Sherwood Florist

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vapurware
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How does the flower cross the lake

it rose

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/owarner40
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was upset that I did not buy her flowers !!!!

Goddamnit !!! She never told me she sold flowers !!!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hypermails
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife is mad because I never buy her flowers.

I didn’t even know she sold flowers!

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Me - Dad could you call for some flowers for me from online?

Dad - Yeah sure son I would cauliflowers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pranavbrijwani
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
"How comes you never buy her flowers?"

"I never knew she sold them!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is upset because I never buy her flowers.

To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers...

...if you haven’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoalieMom53
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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