Gods he needed a nice break.
The Hand of the King had been working extensively within the position he had been given by King Selwyn, having not been seen outside his study for what seemed an age, becoming a hermit in the Tower of the Hand. It was not a moniker Varamyr loved, nor the truth in regards to him not being around his family. When was the last time he had played games with his beloved son? When was the last time he had engaged in conversation with his beautiful wife without being distracted, stressed or tired to the point he could barely focus?
No, one night he could enjoy himself. One night he could spend some time with Victaria that went longe than a half hour. Admittedly, this was work getting mixed with time among his family, which in all honesty in this context he didnβt mind one bit. A dinner between family and friends. What more could one want?
The Whitehill manse had been prepared especially for the celebration, an oak table that could hold two whole families if required covered by a great velvet sheet, the corners and edges embroidered with golden vines reminiscent of his wifeβs House. The finest silverware on hand was laid out ready for their users, along with a dozen other assortments that Varamyr personally never saw the need for. Yet, they often appealed to whoever visited so the Whitehill supposed it had a use.
The group would eat within the main dining room of the manse, a homely place that naturally gave a comforting air to it that the Whitehill admired. Reminded him almost of the stone rooms of Highpoint in truth. A great variety of wine and other beverages would be available for them to enjoy, in case his guests enjoyed a drink Varamyr wasnβt aware of, as well as if Victaria wished to try out a few of the newer beverages too. For the food there would be no expense spared (on the saved up coin gained from Varamyrs regular salary), a great boar being the prized main course to enjoy. The Northman had hired the best hunters to catch the biggest boar they could in the nearby lands and this handsome, stuffed devil, was the one in question.
It would be a good night he hoped.
I'm feeling incredibly dysphoric today.... Its been on for about four days in a row. My face being absolutely horrible infected mess(Eye infection and bacterial infection on my face at the same time.) doesn't help, thankfully I got home and right away medicated myself which is helping fast, but looking like horrendous pizza faced zombie is really pushing me to the limits. Its so weird how little things can these days either make or break my mood.
I'm barely awake, just grabbed first cup of coffee, put my headphones.. Listening to Icon album by Paradise Lost, for some reason this album is really soothing when I'm down. One of the darkest sounding gothic metal albums ever recorded and it hits a spot.
I wish I find a way out of this dark hole of dysphoria, envy, depression and pain. I feel so desperate and lost. Its felt in the last few days as if there is no future for me. I'm afraid I will somehow absolutely fail my transition as I can't afford to do much about it. Heck I wish I could at least get my meds and some nice affirming clothes or something.
Screaming into the void, will anyone even hear me?
Junior Messias, spoke to Milan TV after the game:
Your joy is the joy of all the AC Milan fans and all the children who have the dream of scoring goals in the Champions League.Β Did you dream of it like that?
βI am very happy especially for the victory.Β In addition to the goal and the debut, I came in time of need.Β I was coming from a difficult time, I had two injuries in a row.Β Today it was important to win, we are still alive and we have to fight until the end."
The emotions after the goal:
βI felt like crying, what I experienced went through my head.Β Pure emotion.Β I thought of God, my whole history is written by him."
Against Liverpool, what do you expect?
βWe have to remain humble, it will be difficult.Β We must do what we did today, we must remain humble and play our game like today, we did very well from the first to the last minute ".
Your best night of your career?
βIt was the most beautiful, I hope other evenings like this comeβ.
