The year is 2040. The first Dad has landed on Mars. What’s the first message he sends back to Earth?

Great view, terrible atmosphere..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeismicBeats
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2022
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If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfPacific
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2022
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My husband (who is a dad) dad joked me over text message for the first time today.

Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|

Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jenovadark00
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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I was walking past my fridge last night and thought I heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song

When I opened the door it turns out it was just chives talkin'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockWheel480
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2022
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what kind of advice do you give to an architect?

Constructive Criticism

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryebread92025
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2022
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Had a good run of them in my group chat today:

Me: My wife yesterday was all on my case. "You'll never get a car made out of spaghetti to work!" she says. Man - y'all should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

Friend 1: Oof - seriously. You should see if you can get supplements for that bad-joke problem.

Me: Maybe I'll try some vitamins. I'll grab some B2, B3, B5, and B6. Gonna skip B4 - that's in the past.

Friend 1: If I stop setting these up will you just, you know, stop?

Me: I tried Omega3 before, but the benefits were Super Fish Oil.

Friend 2: How do I unsubscribe from this group text?

Me: Maybe I can order some Vitamin C from a Mexican website. That means "Vitamin Yes" in Spanish, right?

Friend 1: Dead. I'm dead here. You've killed me. And humor.

Me: Actually my doctor said I should be eating more citrus fruits. Oranges, specifically. He also said I needed to drop some pounds. He said it was the "Weight and C" approach.

Friend 2: You're looking these up.

Me: Not all of them. I mean, I did get some of them from this big dictionary I have. It's pun-abridged.

Friend 1: If I had to grade these jokes, you'd get a Vitamin D. That's a 1.0 GPA.

Me: I'm going to have to put those grades up for adoption. I don't think I'll be able to raise them.

Friend 1: D-

Me: Maybe I should look into becoming a marine biologist as a career. Since my grades are so far below "C" level.

Friend 2: JFC. Is there any way to make it stop?

Me: Nope! I'm PUN-STOPPABLE!

In all fairness, I had heard most of these before (I have loved puns since college) but this was the first time I've gotten a good long run in a single pass. Also this is nearly-verbatim. I removed a couple identifying things and re-ordered a few of the messages for clarity of response.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/In_the_pines
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2022
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My dad got WhatsApp for the first time the other day

His first message to our family group chat was β€œWhatsApp-ening”

(Sorry if it’s bad it’s my first)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenderfluidZen
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2022
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Bert and Ernie had worked together as morning drivetime radio hosts for 20 years.

They'd traded jokes, played pop music, and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

Now, though, there was silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax message from the Department of Defense. As licensed broadcasters they were legally obligated to alert the public, to tell them the nukes were flying and that in a few minutes all the world's troubles would be over. What, though, was the point of that? To torture people with the knowledge of something they couldn't change?

Their eyes met and a decision was reached. Bert put on their most requested song, a sugary top 40 tune while Ernie produced a bottle of bourbon from under the desk. As their producer banged on the locked studio door the colleagues toasted the end of a long career.

Bert, always the consummate professional, turned away from the window as the first explosion split the distant horizon. He straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt, and brushed his hair back. He would meet his fiery death with dignity.

He turned to Ernie and said in a quiet, resigned voice, "How do I look, Ernie?"

Ernie walked slowly over to his friend. He looked into Bert's face and saw the closeness they shared, the strength of their relationship, forged over the years. He took a deep breath and spoke quietly:

"With your eyes, Bert."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
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r/dadjokes is recruiting moderators, join us!

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

  1. How would you describe a dad joke?
  2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
  3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

  • You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
  • You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
  • You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
  • You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
  • You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

  • You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
  • You've got some automod experience
  • You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

  • You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
  • You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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A dating profile said β€œTell me you’re vaccinated”

So my first message to her was β€œYou’re vaccinated.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Warlord assassination attempt gone terribly wrong.

A navy SEAL sniper was dispatched from a submarine on the coast of Africa with the mission of traveling inland to quietly take out a warlord. His only link to his superiors on the submarine was cellular messaging device. He arrived and had to lay in cover for days. A pride of lions eventually settled around him, making him very nervous. Circumstances then necessitated immediate action so the commander sent the SEAL messages ordering him to clear the area before the strike. Being in the midst of the pride the soldier couldn't move to check his phone. He then perished in the attack.

However, this is not the first person to miss the subtext because they couldn't read between the lions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/possferatu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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What infection do you get when your friend discovers your reddit account?

Connorrhea. Fuck you, Connor. πŸ–•

Backstory: I received this message first thing in the morning in response to this post I made last week.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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[rule changes and minor update on spam filter]

First and foremost, I've decided to add a rule 7. Please, for the love of God, have the slightest bit of creativity and do not put the punchline of the joke in the title. The reasoning being as follows.

Most importantly, putting the punchline in the title ruins the joke, unless it is a one liner!
*
Secondarily, this is a puns subreddit dedicated to wordplay, if you lack the creativity to restate something in a humorous way rather than regurgitating the punchline as the header, perhaps this isn't the subreddit for you...


#Secondarily,


I've made a few minor spam filter tweaks. Your post will be caught in the spam filter if:

  1. Your account has less than +3 combined comment and link karma.
  2. Your account is less than 7 days old.

What will happen if your post is filtered is it will automatically go into the spam queue, and I'll try to have it unfiltered in the span of a couple of minutes/hours, but sometimes I do sleep so sadly it may take longer.

My post isn't appearing! How do I fix it?

If your post is not appearing and it has not violated any of the rules, feel free to drop us a mod message and I'll get a mobile notification within 30 minutes or so of the post removal, putting it on the fast track to being restored.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
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My dad doesn't make many jokes, but this one was too good not to share.

I have letter magnets on my fridge so people can spell out messages. For some reason my dad put up "YOYO TRICKS". I'm completely baffled by what this is supposed to mean. So I ask him and he replies "What's a yo-yo trick?" The first one to come to mind is "walk the dog". He was telling me to walk the dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quaytsar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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I don't know, CAN you?

I just texted my dad, "can i call you when i get out of work?" (Nothing serious) I'm at work right now and the way we file prospect students in the admissions office i work at is by the last three letters of their last name and the first letter of their first name. Before my dad could answer in dad-ways, i read the next file and it said "KAN U". I rolled my eyes when i heard my dad say "I don't know, can you?" In my mind.

The message had already been sent and dad's were uniting.

You guessed it, he replied in exactly that manner.

If you don't understand English grammar, which most people don't, I should have said "may I?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apfeldaisies
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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Dadjoked my son

Purchase his first car yesterday, when we went to get it registered he thought he was being funny by reading the messag screen

Son: oh look, it says my door is ajar

Me: i think mine is a can

Son: groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juniorman00
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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There is a secret pirate message hidden in the first three letters of all the Harry Potter Books.

Har-Har-Har-Har-Har-Har-Har!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/centstwo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
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