My boss said he was going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch it's going to be me
We had to fire our Japanese restaurant cook.
He was too tempura-mental.
I had to fire the fruit delivery man today.
Really had to let the mango, he was driving me bananas.
Watching Zathura with my 6-yr-old daughter, the scene where the Zorgon’s fire at the kids hiding in the fireplace and the explosion travels down the chimney to them, she says:
“That’s why it’s a called a FIRE. PLACE.”
I couldn’t be prouder.
I have to choose who to fire at work today
After all, it's "Tues"day.
I had to fire the guy that mows my lawn
I had to fire the surgeon
I’m losing patients with him
What do you call a woman who sets fire to invoices?
The authorities had no idea who set fire to the Notre Dame cathedral.
But Quasimodo had a hunch.
I was raised to always be careful around fire.
You'll never catch me arson around with it.
A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.
The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"
The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants, can no longer continue!"
Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. "What the hell are you doing??"
"Getting a proper sample size!"
I set fire to my classroom
I guess you could say that physics class is "lit"
My son and I went camping yesterday when he asked me how to start a campfire. I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same."
"Then you’ll have a match!"
Did you hear about what happened to the bakery that caught on fire?
Had to fire myself from housework today.
I didn't like my attitude and I caught myself drinking on the job.
Two Inuit hunters were paddling their kayak across the lake. They started to feel cold, so they lit a fire in their kayak, but then the kayak caught fire and sank. What is the moral of the story?
You cannot have your kayak and heat it too.
What did mommy flame say to daddy flame when their child started a fire?
One day, Superman was flying and he started to feel cold, so he lit a fire on his cape to keep warm, but it burned to a crisp.
The man of steel learned the hard way that you can't have your cape and heat it, too.
Did you know that the songs, 'Rolling in the Deep', 'Set fire to the Rain' and 'Skyfall' were all created by a laptop?
I had to fire the kid who was mowing my lawn.
He just wasn't cutting it.
I was playing a round of paintball, and told my teammates to fire at will.
My bad, turns out Will was on our team too.
Insurance just called. They said the rates are being raised on my Chevy Bolt EUV due to the battery fire risk.
The conversation:
“You’re raising my rates?? I’m fuming right now! Let me speak to your manager as I have some burning questions!”
“How much are you raising my rates?”
- “A lot, they’re going to reach new Fahrenheits”
“I am heated!”
- “I’m sorry sir. We will keep it as manageable as possible since you have fantastic driving history - we want you to know we view you as a real bright spark”
“Thank you, I am de-lighted”
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
My ex-wife called to tell me that “my son” was arrested for setting a house on fire.
A man recently pulled up to a gas station and started to pump gas while still holding his lit cigarette. The fuel nozzle's shutoff switch failed to engage when his tank was full & fuel shot out on to the man's arm. The fuel immediately caught fire. A cop that was driving by stopped and shot the guy
Apparently it's illegal to wave a fire arm in public.
A police officer says to a couple: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire".
They ask "Was it arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
Edit: holy shrimp! I got silver! Thanks for the reception!
It is weird to see signs that say "In case of fire, don't use elevator". Everyone knows water is better to put on fires than an elevator.
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
I used to work at a factory that makes fire hydrants.
However, you couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me...
I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today
I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it may be me.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I had to fire my fruit delivery guy today.
I hate to let the mango, but he was driving me bananas!
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?
What do you call a woman who sets fire to her bills?
Boss said they have to fire whoever has the worst posture at work
I have a hunch it's going to be me
I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn...
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I had to fire the guy I hired to cut my lawn
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
I had to fire our fruit delivery guy this morning
he was driving me bananas
No one could figure out who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame.
But Quasimodo had a hunch.
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