Father Figures Puns

Paren't

His last words were “be positive”

Someone missed an opportunity...

I was stocking the shelves of the store, when a customers asked if we carry a certain brand of protein powder. I informed him we do not and he asked to see my boss who he complained to, afterwards my boss handed me the customer complaint form he'd filled out which read "Customer very upset that he didn't get his whey"

I bike up and down a very large hill to get to work every morning

Co-worker: "You're going to have huge calves by the end of the summer!"

Me: "Yeah, they'll be so big they will probably be cows!"

But I just got ghosted

Son: I can spell Yacht!

Dad: Ok, spell Yacht

Son: Y-A-H-T

Dad: You forgot the C

Son: No, it’s under the Yacht

But no. I was charged $30 a pop.

^^SOMETHING Hope you enjoy it!

Father figures are for life.

Here you go.

They always wanted a father figure.

They’re just looking for a father figure

He's not really a father figure

I’m a faux pa.

Edit: This took off a lot better than I expected.

I feel like a father figure now.

I prefer father figure

A Father Figure

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

I want to be a good father figure

My father figure.

I prefer to think of it as a father figure.

My dad used to tell me this one growing up:

>Native American child is with his father. He looks up at him and says "Dad, how did you figure out what to name us when we were born?"
>
>The dad responds "Son, it's easy: I just looked around nature and what I saw is what I named you. Your sister, Flying-Eagle, for instance, was born while an eagle flew overhead. Your brother was named Roaming-Buffalo for a similar reason. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

But I think it’s just my fatherly figure.

Father figure

... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.

Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."

Me: "Um... OK, sure."

Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"

Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."

Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."

Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"

Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."

ಠ_ಠ

Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, “Sire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emily’s apple.” He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabeth’s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emily’s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

“Father,” said Emily, “have you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.”

“No worries Em,” responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.”

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

“What is your answer, young man?” declared the king.

The young man replied, “In order to calculate Elizabeth’s apples, you must ADD EM’S APPLE.”

The king answered “lol get it?”

It's actually a father figure.

Edit: woke up this morning and saw this with almost 1k up votes! Thank you guys, I'm honored! ( Hi Honored, I'm Dad)

It's a father figure.

A father figure.

A father figure

Its a father figure

I say its a father figure

It's a father figure

I think it's more of a father figure.

A father figure

I prefer father figure

I have a father figure

I disagree. I clearly have a father figure

I have a father figure

I have a father figure

I have a father figure

so I said "No, to me it's more like a FATHER FIGURE."

Son: To me it's more like a father figure.