They were discussing an advent calendar which had angered people because the part of Baby Jesus was played by a sausage.
One of the panelists, I think Mo Rocca, quipped that people were frank-incensed.
Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.
I don't know, but I do know that The Thing will no longer be the only one stoned
So we’re traveling in the tropics and there’s a bunch of flamingos we’re watching and they all take off and start to fly except this one on the outskirts. And I say “looks like that fla-ming didn’t go”
I still think that, but I used to, too.
So my wife is a teacher, and is attempting to explain puns to her students. She mentioned that dad jokes would be the perfect examples. So what are ya'lls BEST puns?
Update: Thank you all, these were fantastic and had my wife and I chuckling through the weekend. She has more material than she thought possible! You also aided me in driving her insane by telling her these jokes almost every two minutes, so from the bottom of my heart; thank you for helping to fulfill my purpose, it's quite wonderful! Thank you all, these were all fantastic!
Only takes one nail to hang the picture.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we do not serve minors"
Only driven from time to time
Anybody else having trouble choosing a Speaker?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
You won’t be able to handle the reaper cushions
They always tell me my balance is outstanding.
But how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
She says it’s because she’s Lebanese but I think it’s because I’m dyslexic
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
This is the whey
It was the wurst!
Because they're just Chillan.
You go on a head, i'll give these two a lift
must really hate fast food.
Pardonnay.
To get closer to the man laying bricks.
I have to beef them up.
They just don’t work
Mario is his last name, Itsumi Mario, and his brother, Letsu Gou Luigi.
There was pandamoanium.
You’d B-52 now
My cousin (MtF) has just come out to the family- she told some of us "younger" ones but she was afraid especially of what her dad's reaction would be. He's a man of few words and was never outgoing or very affectionate to his kids, his side of the family is pretty conservative as well. A very as-seen-on-TV-in-the-90s dad with a handlebar moustache and multiple different-but-same polo t-shirts. Her mum passed a few years ago and they are even more distant than ever. It was finally the big day and she told him in front of a couple of us. The silence seemed to stretch on into the infinite. After some time, he got up, and without even a slight change in expression he said- "so I guess you can't see me now".
...
More silence
...
"Because I'm a transparent geddit?" With the most gigantic smile I've EVER seen him crack.
It's been 5 days and he's been cracking the same joke on every opportunity he can, ever since.
Edit- I forgot my favorite part- he asked her if she would like to add her mum's name in her new one because he missed saying it. I BAWLED my eyes out.
Edit2: obligatory I can't believe how much this blew up! We met at a family gathering yesterday and he was still chuckling so i decided to post this. I sent my cousin this post and she says he's very proud of himself. Thanks for all the awards! This is crazy!
I see that there was some confusion about the moustache description - we're a first generation Indian - Hindu family, and it's traditional especially for the older generation I think.
It's a cute moment, but not everyone is as positive. Some neighbors, people at school, a teacher or so (it's just a phase! you'll ruin your life!), and she's been handling calls all day from AH family members who only call for gossip.
They have my symphony.
"Pop!" goes the Weasel.
Why do they put fences around cemetery’s? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?
But I've seen stranger things.
Jor Jor Well
I said no, I can try bohemian rhapsody though.
Me: What's this?
Wife: When I asked you what you wanted for your father's day breakfast, you said 'just a coffee and synonym toast'.
This kid had a big float and it was the only float in the pool. He was paddling going around talking to every single person he could reach. One of the moms asked him what his name was, and he replied “Noah”. The mom then said “well that makes sense, you’re the only one with the float!”
This was the Fate of the Curious.
The bogeyman
if i drink Fanta, then i am Fantastic
