Facebook Stories Puns

I replied, "He isn't missing, he's just undergoing maintenance and will be back soon as the upgraded version, Kim Jong-deux!"

Necessary Terminology: Toonie= Canadian $2 Coin

Friend's Facebook Status: "Laundromats aren't so bad when you find a toonie in the drier."

I commented: "If the drier cost $2, you could call it a wash!"

I was sort of proud of my dad-joke, so later that day, I told my dad the story.

Dad: "Do you think she'll be arrested?" Me: "No, why?" Dad: "For Money Laundering"

I was at Advanced Auto Parts today and overheard the end of this coversation:

Guy one: "-ending a story about where he facebooked a one night stand- ...so I found out I fucked my third cousin."

Guy two: "Well, stop counting."

Long story short, I yelled out that I thought this girl was hot, and I was already friends with a girl she was with. So she messaged me on facebook, and told me to talk to her. To find her on FB I had to know what her last name was, right?

>Me: What's her last name?

> Her: Long.

> Me: How long is it?

A perfect setup, a flawless execution.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=949920238431434&id=341163402640457

A man sees a woman in a grocery story and tries to make a joke through observational humor and she gets him good:

Man: Why are people so fanatical about buying all natural foods?

Woman: Maybe they're afraid of dying

Source

I shared a story about a new supernova on facebook. Then my Dad and some others chimed in with this.

Here's the supernova story if you're interested: New Supernova in M82

My mother posted this on facebook this morning (has the relevant story of the pun).

http://imgur.com/IhcyhfC

My parents have 4 dogs (I suppose to replace the 4 boys that have up and left for adulthood) but it looks like my dad knows aren't going to sell one of their own up the river.

A friend posted this on facebook:

True story;

When my dad was at the top of Ben Nevis, there was a guy there with his girlfriend. He got down on one knee and proposed to her right in front of everyone, (the young lad, not my dad!)

After she'd said yes and people were shaking his hand and congratulating them. My dad went up to them and said; "Well, you know what they say now, don't ye's?"

"What's that?"

"It's all downhill fae here." And walked off.