I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

The Eggman Empire

While the evil Dr. Eggman certainly has no problem doing his own dirty work, the Eggman Empire wouldn't be anywhere near the terrifying force that it is without Eggman's robot army, imposing bases, and numerous powerful battleships. This thread will contain information on all of Eggman's robots and warships that he does not directly pilot himself. From the pitiful Motobug to the murderous Metal Sonic, from the laughable Wing Fortress to the gigantic Death Egg space station, it will all be included here.

If you are looking for Eggman's personal Respect Thread, that can be found here

Note: Eggman has a bad habit of having some of his more powerful robots betray him to gain power for themselves or to join forces with Sonic the Hedgehog. If a robot listed here is not currently aligned with Eggman, it will be marked like so:

Character [No longer aligned with Eggman]

Badnicks

Badniks are some of the most simple and numerous machine's at Dr. Eggman's command. If you find yourself at odds with the mad doctor, you are all but guaranteed to be fighting countless waves of these grunts. While most Badniks are extremely basic, only having a single means of attack and being destroyed by Sonic the Hedgehog and friends in a single hit, they make up for it with the sheer amount of variety that Eggman's put together over the years. With a few exceptions, every Badnik is powered by a small woodland creature that Eggman placed inside of them. Due to the nature of how Sonic games work, every Badnick should be able to at least somewhat damage every playable character in the games they appear in.

• Respect the Classic Era Badniks (Sonic the Hedgehog (1991) - Sonic Blast)
• Respect the Modern Era Badniks (Sonic Adventure - Sonic Forces)

Boss Robots

While not necessarily a true threat to Sonic and friends, these robots are at least capable of taking more than a couple hits from them and will typically have multiple methods of attack. They can usually be found acting as a boss or mini-boss of any given level.

• [Respect the Boss Robots](https://www.reddit.com/u

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Hello, everyone!

Over the course of the various Playoffs in the different regions, I've compiled a master spreadsheet of all the participating teams and players, which can be found here. It includes tabs for Teams/Rosters, Player Stats, Map Stats, and Seeds (tournament placing from regional Playoffs). My goal for this post is to share with you some fun facts and stats going into what should be another exciting international LAN event for VALORANT.

Teams/Rosters

Fairly straightforward. I've include columns for Region (Primary Country), Team Name (Abbreviation), and Players. The Avg. Player ACS column takes the average ACS of all players on a team's roster and divides it by the number of players on the roster. A player's average ACS was determined by using the average ACS of the agent they've played the most rounds with in the last 60 days (which happens to be post-Iceland). This was, in my opinion, the best way to classify each player. More on this in the next section.

Top 3 teams (sorted by Avg. Player ACS)

1. LATAM - KRU Esports (KRU): 229.2 - keznit, NagZ, Mazino, Klaus, and delz1k
2. NA - ENVY: 228.4 - yay, Victor, crashies, Marved, and FNS
3. SEA - Paper Rex (PRX): 225.3 - f0rsakeN, d4v41, Benkai, mindfreak, and shiba

This subreddit isn't gonna like this, but from these stats alone Vivo Keyd (203.8), Gambit Esports (203.5) and 100 Thieves (202.8) are among bottom three teams going to Berlin. However, I will put a disclaimer here and say that this might be the case because the BR, EMEA, and NA scenes are more competitive than other comparable regions.

The players are ordered by their average ACS on their main agent. Alts/subs were separated from the main squad. 100T b0i and KRU bnj were omitted because they do not have player stats from the last 60 days.

A team highlighted purple signifies a team that previously attended Masters Reykjavik. KRU Esports (LATAM), Sentinels (NA), and Crazy Raccoon (JP) are the only three teams to do this. In addition, KRU and SEN are (as of this post) the first two teams to be locked in for VALORANT Champions (via Circuit Points).

Player Stats

Region, Team Name, Player Name - all self-explanatory.

For Age, my source was http://liquipedia.net/ and/or affiliated Twitter/Instagram profiles players may have. If there are any corrections to be made or pl

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

It was about a weak back.

Bob

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.