French swing-dancing flash mob exclaims in dismay at being arrested for disorderly conduct.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims, “wow I’ve never served a weasel before!
What can I get for you bud?”
“Pop” goes the weasel
I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...
I didn't expect it but he took a fence.
I proudly exclaimed to my family, "As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass!"
"I just wanted to make that clear!"
The produce person at my grocery store said I should try this vegetable, “It’s out of this world ... radical!” he exclaimed.
In truth, it was just rad-ish.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...
... I haven't peed since last year!"
I couldn't be more proud
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
As the evil nano-bots swarmed the superhero’s wrist-based time piece, he exclaimed...
A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.
"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"
*Passing every cemetery as a child* Dad would exclaim....
"WOW, people are DYING to get into that place!"
"Walnut, Date and Banana Bread?", I exclaimed to the barista...
"Yes, it is really nice." She said cheerfully
"Oh no, I don't agree with Dates, too many bad experiences for me" I said with a smirk ear to ear.
"Oh, really? Why is that?" She asked.
Calmly I said, "They all end badly."
What did the foot exclaim when it met its long lost relative?
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:
"No it's not, it's MUNday!"
The apprentice has now become the master.
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, “NO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack responded, “And you will dialogue.”
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
My son just played "Don't Break The Ice" by himself with two hammers and exclaimed "I won!"
To which I replied "but on the other hand, you lost"
When it finally dawned on Watson that it was the limestone he exclaimed “But Holmes, how did you know?!”
/r/3amjokes/comments/fmr0…
What did the man exclaim after the change machine explained its purpose?
"We don't need a fishy super hero!" The land locked victims exclaimed.
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
How does a southern florist exclaim his disbelief?
After finishing making the first map of the world, the guy exclaimed...
A guy walks into a therapist’s office exclaiming, “Teepee wigwam teepee wigwam!”
The therapist says, “Calm down, you’re two tents.”
Today while at work some coworkers were talking about the mushrooms they started cooking. I exclaimed “I like to think I’m a mushroom” they looked puzzled so I clarified “I like to think I’m a fun guy”
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting. Pascal runs and hides, but Newton just draws a square and sit down. Einstein opens his eyes and exclaims, "Newton, I've found you!"
Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"
True story: My SO and I got into an minor argument while laying in bed last night. I jokingly exclaimed “omg, I literally cannot stand you!”
To which he replied, “good thing you’re laying down”. Ugh.
(real life) Left a door open for an elderly man.... he exclaimed:
What a Gentle.... Moment!
A chemistry student turns to his professor and excitedly exclaims "Sir this mountain has exactly 6.022x10^23 atoms in it!"
The professor sighs replying "no need to make mountains out of mol hills"
An Italian notices that his lawn is full of weeds. He exclaims,
We were driving past the “Fireworks Superstore” when my wife exclaimed wow that place is huge.
I replied yeah you just can’t hold a candle to that place.
A man has three dogs
A man has three dogs. The 1st is named Max. The 2nd, named Brutus, and the third named Clarice. One day, the owner comes home to find his childhood stuffed animal in pieces on the floor, cotton strewn about everywhere. In an effort to find out who the culprit is he lines up his three dogs. Looking at them he asks the 1st, “Max, did you do this?” Max wagged his tail and didn’t move from his spot. The owner looks over to the third, Clarice, who has taken it upon herself to lay down for some naps. As he looks into the middle of the two, he can see a tuft of cotton escaping from his snout and exclaims: “Pet two, Brutus?”
What did the shepherd exclaim after the snow storm?
What did the farmer exclaim when the ducks got into his dairy farm?
Girlfriend and I were arguing. She exclaimed "why can't I have a stable relationship!?”
I replied that "you should probably get a horse."
A robber breaks into a bank
When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing
“I c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”
Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.
Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.
Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, “HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”
To which the thief replies, “You let your guard down”
I told my friend I saw a man get thrown under a bus today. He exclaimed, “Oh my God! Was it moving?!”
I said, “Well, a few people were crying, but I was fine.”
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender exclaims:
"Holy shit, a talking horse!"
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks - I’ll never part with it!
Jay-Z is DMing a D&D campaign for his son.
Jay-Z's son is playing a fighter and is engaged in a grueling fight with a troll. The troll is clearly too high a difficulty for the fighter.
"Dad," Jay-Z's son exclaims in frustration. "The troll is destroying me!" Just at that moment, from behind a nearby hill appears an army of goblins led by what appears to be an intoxicated lich.
Jay-Z looks at his son and replies with a smirk, "If you're having troll problems, I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 goblins and a lich on rum."
It's criminal!
I opened a bag of Doritos and was about to start eating when I heard a tapping noise from inside the packet. I looked inside the bag and saw ane little Dorito on using a typewriter.
'What are you doing ?' I asked
'Shh, I'm writing a whodunit,' came the reply.
'Of course!' I exclaimed, 'you must be Agatha Crispie!'
I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...
I didn't expect it but he took a fence.
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
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