Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, β€œTHE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”

It might be farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.

He was bambidextrous

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pigonstilts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Spend your last dollar on a $0.98 lottery ticket and see what you end up with.

That's just my two cents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œRepent! The End is nigh!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Can the coronavirus survive on Mars if it ends up on a SpaceX rocket ?

"a lone mask" wants to know !

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.

It's about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eth0null
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
News reporter ends on a pun v.redd.it/sf9b42zb1us41
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenrangerguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard someone played Animal Crossing: New Horizons for so long on end they conked out with the console still in their hands.

Looks like someone fell asleep at the Switch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped an anvil on the end of my foot...

Now I have to call a toe truck.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Will the quarantine end on April 30th?

Well, it May!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InkIcan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
An italian is sitting at a restaurant table, with pizza on the other end.

"Pastapizza", he says to the waiter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/njuff22
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A bloke on a tractor just drove past and shouted β€œthe end of the world is nigh”

I think it was farmer geddon

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s the end of work on Friday, it’s been a long week, and all my bones are just like the capital city of the Holy Roman Empire.

They’re Aachen.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dymmesdale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was on the receiving end of the dad joke today.

I lost my phone and asked my dad if he could call it and his response was to yell β€œlolabean’s phone!” and then laugh hysterically and ask for a high five

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_lolabean_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Near the end of my wife's pregnancy she suddenly began yelling out "can't!", "won't!", "shan't!", "mustn't!", and suddenly it dawned on me..

I think she's having contractions!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the Sun insist on going down at the end of the day?

It's set in its ways

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Cocaine is no joke I'm at the end of the line on this one
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.

It was out last resort.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A cemetery on the end of a road is literally a dead end.

People are just dying to get in it seems.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoopaTroopa37
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
On Endor, how does a gentleman end a fight?

Ewocs away

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the story end when you find out there is a secret warehouse full of planes on the end of a cliff?

It’s the cliffhanger

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I just had a pun about electricians stripping to make ends meet. I run a pun hashtag on my Facebook. Here are the rest. imgur.com/gallery/dkYzW
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saith_Cassus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What do u call a guy with no arms and no legs on the end of a fishing line

Bob.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nixonhill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I fix something on my bike, something else breaks and I hurt myself. But I always end up riding again.

It's a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyleMistry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Every full moon, my son goes outside and stares up at it for hours on end.

I know it's just a phase.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I got a call in the middle of the night, and when I answered, the person on the other end of the line’s teeth were chattering...

Turns out it was a cold caller!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What beverage does someone stock up on when they think the world is going to end?

Dr Prepper

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuchoTornado
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"

The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."

The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Every time at the end of a song at band practice I play a note on the highest fret on my guitar.

They always ask me why I do that. I tell them, β€œWe gotta end it on a high note”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TortoiseMan510
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to make a pencil with erasers on both ends...

...but then, I realized it was pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmel1232
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Music that ends abruptly ends on a cleffhanger
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kubrick_Fan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
🚨︎ report
What's round on the end and hi in the middle?

Ohio

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jallfairs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Pizza chefs who have flour on their face at the end of a long shift...

...call that a 5-o’clock shadough.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
What does the fedora rely on to make ends meet?

Tips

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
"My phone is on the end table." I say, "That's a night stand."

"It still works during the day. Is it a day sit when it's not night time?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lrnrae
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world nigh!"

I think it was Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbor gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œThe End is nigh!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night, my neighbor got on his tractor and started yelling, β€œThe end is near!!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A bloke on a tractor has just driven passed me shouting, "The end of the world is nigh."

I think it was Farmer Geddon!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hirsty19784
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œThe End is Nigh!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbor gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œThe End is Near!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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