I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says โ€œyou must be singleโ€ and I respond with โ€œhow did you know?โ€

She responded, โ€œ because you are ugly!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 205
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Parkwad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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โ€œBack in the day...โ€ my dad started to say. โ€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...โ€ he lamented...

โ€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 193
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?

Because baggers canโ€™t be choosers.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 99
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thatoneguykc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread

โ€œIf they have eggs, get a dozenโ€ she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nakedurlrobot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup oโ€™ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy Sโ€™more - Sโ€™mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the โ€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?โ€ joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. Iโ€™m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Minnara
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Breakfast at work

So I brought in kolaches to the office this morning for breakfast. For those that don't know, they're basically bread rolls filled with egg, cheese and whatever else you want. One of my coworkers started talking about how they reminded him of some kind of cake "with M&Ms in it."

Except English isn't his first language, so he was saying it a little weird.

Him: "You can't bake a cake with M&M in it."

Me: "'Cause you'd kill him."

There was absolutely no reaction whatsoever, so I can't tell if people were just ignoring my awful joke or if just nobody heard me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pickelsurprise
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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โ€œBack in the day...โ€ my grandfather started to say. โ€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.โ€

โ€œBut today...โ€ he continued. โ€œWherever you go, there are cameras...โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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