E readiness Puns

"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"

Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"

Son, did you just-

"Yes"

You're ready.

Halloween is approaching and I am making some punny tombstone decorations, in the spirit of Disney's Haunted Mansion cemetery. I thought it would be fun to collect some new ones from the reddit community. Here are Disney's crypt puns. Please share any additional ones that you can come up with.

1. Asher T. Ashes (Ashes to ashes)
2. Bea Witch (Bewitch)
3. C. U. Later (See you later)
4. Clare Voince (Clairvoyance)
5. Dustin T. Dust (Dust into dust)
6. G. I. Missyou (Gee I miss you)
7. Hail N. Hardy (Hale and hearty)
8. Hal Lusinashun (Hallucination)
9. Hap A. Rition (Apparition)
10. I. Emma Spook (I am a spook)
11. I. L. Beback (I'll be back)
12. I. M. Mortal (I am mortal)
13. I. M. Ready (I am ready)
14. I. Trudy Departed (I truly departed)
15. I. Trudy Dew (I truly do)
16. Levi Tation (Levitation)
17. Love U. Trudy (Love you truly)
18. M. T. Tomb (Empty tomb)
19. Manny Festation (Manifestation)
20. Metta Fisiks (Metaphysics)
21. Paul Tergyst (Poltergeist)
22. Pearl E. Gates (Pearly Gates)
23. Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation)
24. Rustin Peece (Rest in peace)
25. Rusty Gates (Rusty Gates)
26. Theo Later (See you later)
27. U. R. Gone (You are gone)
28. Wee G. Bord (Ouija board)

She excitedly says yes, and the boy spends the entirety of the next day preparing for the big day.

The first thing he does to make it extra fancy is to rent a limousine for a day (yes, he is rich), but when he arrives at the rental center, he notices that many other people had the same idea. There was an enormous line that stretched out the building. Nevertheless, this boy was determined to make this night a special night, and waited for hours. Luckily, he succeeded in the end, and rented a shiny black limo. He was starting to get really excited.

After that, he goes to the tailor to pick up a brand new suit and tie to look as sharp as possible. But once again, the line for that wrapped around the block and forced the boy to wait another long hour. He sighed, but still waited in line, as he was quite persistent and knew it would be well worth it in the end. In the end, though, he got a perfect suit that fit him well. No wrinkles, no nothing; it was just pure handsomeness.

Then, the moment came. In his limousine, he once again drove up to his crush's house, well-dressed in the brand new suit he just bought. She came out looking stunning as well in an aqua dress that sparkled in the evening sunlight. Excited as ever, she leaped into the fancy limo and rode to prom with him, ready for the big night.

When they arrived, however, there was yet another long line into the ballroom, as many people needed to be accepted. It was quite a busy night. After half an hour of waiting, the couple finally made it through and began dancing. It was all going really well, and everyone was having quite a grand time.

A few hours later, they became thirsty and went to get a drink. Both him and his girlfriend were in the mood for fruit punch, but nobody else seemed to want it. When they entered the snack bar, they noticed more long lines of people wanting to get other snacks and drinks, but surprisingly... there was no punchline.

She was getting ready to breastfeed our son and complained that she had leaked on her clothes.

My reply, “What a letdown”.

Me: ok guys time to start getting ready for bed. Get in your PJ's and brush teeth, there is no sleeping in clothes tonight.

Daughter: but pyjamas are clothes dad!

So proud of her....

By saying it is MOOve in ready.

I’m ready to branch out

Several years ago I take the boy fishing on boat. We haven't caught anything all day. I can tell he's bored but hanging with dad is still cool. I show him the fish finder, explain how it works, and tell him to get ready, there are a bunch below us. A few minutes later, not a single bite...

"Dad?"

"What's up bud?"

In complete seriousness, "Are you sure that isn't just a water finder???"

I'm so proud of that boy 🥲

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

get ready for the monsoon.

And say's: He's ready,

The Master says: He can't,

Older brother: Shuriken.

WAITER: are you ready to order

DAD: i'll have the rabbit stew

WAITER: only if you promise not to say "waiter there's a hare in my soup" after i bring it

DAD:

WAITER:

DAD: i'll have the chicken

Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.

Ready, set, grow!

I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

So I was planning a bank heist with my friend Steven. We'd gotten everything planned out, it was all set up, and we were in the parking lot of the bank, ready to go.

Last minute, Steven turns to me and goes "I can't do this man. Armed rbbery is wrong, I don't wanna risk getting anyone hurt."

So I turned to our third guy, who was also named Steven (christmas is a total nightmare. I tell him "let's make Steven #1 our fall guy, if the cops catch us, he takes the heat and we walk away scott free.

This Steven #2 goes "No no, we can't do that. Steven #1 doesn't want any part of this, we need to respect his decision."

So it turns out, there is honor among Steves.

Unless you’re ready for the reaper cushions!

...and asked me, "Mom, how well can you hold your beer?"

"I don't like beer."

"Ok, your drink, then."

"Pretty damn well, better than you for sure."

"What if your glass was slippery?"

Ugh... he's only 15 and ready to be a dad, it seems. I threw my box of tissues at him.

‍🚀🌕 ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . 🌕 ‍🚀
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️

INCOMING CATALYSTS:

CMC LISTING: Coming soon.

COINGECKO LISTING: Coming Soon

SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

CONTRACT RENOUNCED:
bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

⭐️ CHART:

poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

I'm so tired of the ups and downs. I'm just ready to pop.

While the nurse was getting me ready to go, she had to disconnect the wires and take off all tabs. She said there all wires removed. I said “thanks now I am wireless!”

The wife groaned

YOU CHEDDAR BE READY TO DIE!

It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans weren’t yet ready to have a gay old time.

I’m never quite ready to take the plunge

Because he couldn’t liquidate any assets.

Oh? You thought it was because he was short-handed? Wow. That’s what you get for assuming.

((My wife gets annoyed because when I ask a lighthearted question I always multiple replies ready to go; so, if she gets it right the first time I just redirect with a different reply. Keepin’ her on her toes!))

I swear I just thought of it, and I'm surprised I've never heard it before. Ready? Wait for iiiiiiiiiit...

John Claude Van Dang.

...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.

Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.

Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.

The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.

I'm ready for A riel woman.

The waiter walks over and asks for the order.

The politician says what they would like, before adding, "But when it's ready, just give me a shout and I'll bring it to my table."

"Bring it to your table?" replies the staggered waiter. "But that is my job."

"Yes, because I'm only interested in serving myself."

‘cause that’s how I know supper is almost ready.

My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

Kid: What are we having for dinner?

Husband: It's a surprise!

Kid: You mean a SUPPER-ise!

Kid is definitely ready to be a dad.

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

1. How would you describe a dad joke?
2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

• You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
• You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
• You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
• You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
• You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

• You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
• You've got some automod experience
• You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

• You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
• You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

But isn't ready, jet.

One day a snail went to a car dealership, he said to the dealer. I want a custom car, a car that’s very fast and had a big s on the side. The dealer said ok and the snail paid. 3 weeks later the snail got a call that his car was ready. When the snail went back to the dealership for his car and the dealer asked him why he snail wanted a big s on the side, and the snail said “I’ve been very slow all my life, so when I’m going down the freeway at high speeds, I want people to look over and say look at that escargot”

Overheard this conversation while my wife was getting our daughter ready for bed:

Wife: Alright sweetie, time for bed Daughter: Ok, I'm so sleepy Wife: I am too Daughter: NO, I AM TWO!

I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.

Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!

Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.