School Drop off Conversation

A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school

Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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I showed my friend my pond, including the best fishing spots and the place where the bank drops off...

I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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At first, I was afraid I was petrified. Kept thinking, I could never live without that post school drop off ride. Bet then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong.

And I grew strong and I learned a schoolless day is just so long. Go on now, go, walk out the door, please go to school now. 'Cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one, who each school day said goodbye? But now I think I'll crumble? And I'll lay down and die? Oh, no, not I, I will survive Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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A joke from my daughter: Where does a tongue go to drop off its old clothes?

The Salivation Army

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KidRadicchio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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My wife drops me off in front of a restaurant in our Land Rover. Another patron notices the car and says, β€œThat must have been an expensive uber.”

To which I replied: β€œtell me about it. I’ve been with her for 20 years.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mckaneorg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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My mom called me saying there were a couple of guys outside her home saying they have a plumbing fixture to drop off.

β€œThey’re not trying to rob me?” she asked.

β€œNo, it’s a gift from Uncle Bill to make up for all the mean things he did to you in the past.” I replied.

β€œWait, after all these years, he’s actually trying to be nice to somebody? That’s an unexpected transformation! Our relationship might well change if I agree to take it!”

β€œYeah! Let that sink in.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buttery_Hamwater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get off the merry-go-round!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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When my Dad drops a pea off of his plate...

He says,"Oh dear I've pee'd on the table!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_techguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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Was talking to my wife about heading to the local fire hall for their charity Christmas tree drop-off and chipping...

Me: "Do you know if they are rejecting any trees at the firehall this year?"

Wife: "No...? I haven't heard anything"

Me: "I guess they still have an o-PINE door policy!"

Wife: "I hate you so much right now"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjsidhu23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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What do you get when drop two base drums and a cymbal off a cliff?

ba dum tss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/la_espina
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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I went to pick up my calculator off a table last Monday, only to drop it on the floor.

I looked at the guy next to me and said,
"Miscalculated."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nesano
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2014
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Asked my Dad to drop me off to College for 12:30

Sister : "Can you drop me off at 12:30 to please?"

Dad: "12:32? Do I need to be that precise?

He walked off looking quite pleased with himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamesLoganLIES
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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When I'm running late dropping my kids off at daycare, I call in to my 8am Zoom meeting from my car.

I call it, "phoning it in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/likeabutterdream
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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What did the buffalo say when he dropped his kid off at school?

Bison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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My father just dropped off a wok he didn’t need.

He texted me to warn me that it was an old school, analog wok, not an Ewok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALLCAPSBITCHES
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I was dropping my kid off when I saw a wild Buffalo charging him

I yelled β€œBison!”

He looked back at me, waved, and said β€œbye dad!”

Poor kid never even saw the Buffalo before he got speared...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnoble2945
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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When we dropped off the car for service, we got the last courtesy car on the dealer's lot.

It was the loner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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My annoying Uber driver dropped me off at the bar.

She drove me to drink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigreye007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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"That was so baaaad, Dad"

I remembered a good Dad joke moment.

My wife and I had picked up our daughter and two of her friends. They were in the back of our minivan.

My wife inquired about one of the kids mothers that she was friends with since we hadn't seen them in a while. They moved because of work to another town.

I guess the job was going well and they were making a good deal of money. The kid said, "She doing good, but she's spending a lot of money. She remodeled the kitchen and bought 4K TVs."

They kept chatting lightly and when there was a lull in conversation, I quietly said, "That's a lot of TVs." Just loud enough for everyone to hear but not loud enough to really demand anyone listen.

But then it happened. An uncomfortable pause - the fabled pregnant pause - and they started talking again. No one said anything about it but I knew it landed.

After we dropped the kids off, the first thing my daughter said, "That was SO bad. "

This was at LEAST 10 minutes after I said it. She had been thinking about that joke the whole time. She said the other kids were like looking around like WTF?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loosebag
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki

I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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My wife and I don't want kids

So if anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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This morning I dropped my son off at school and said:"Bye son"

He replied: "Buffalo". It took me about 5 seconds to get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrewerGeo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
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Mama Buffalo is dropping Baby buffalo off at school.

She says Bye son.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/indielib
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I dropped my son off at the golf course the other day.

He said β€œdrive safe!” And I said β€œdrive safe!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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My wife asked me, β€œWhy don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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The key to falling asleep quickly is to sleep at the edge of the bed.

You'll soon drop off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/West_Yorkshire
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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"Hey Dad can you drop me off?

From how high?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deviddevil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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A buffalo dropped his boy off at school and said...

Bison

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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What did the dad buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off to school?

BISON.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/black_panthe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What did the father buffalo say to his kid while dropping him off at school?

Bison..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What did the buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off at school?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilkens1023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hemihilex
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mjjjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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The mama buffalo dropped off her son off at school. What did she say?

"Bison!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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What did the Buffalo say to his boy when he dropped him off at school?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I used to date a air hostess from Helsinki...

I dropped her off to work last week and she just vanished into Finnair.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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What did the buffalo say when he dropped his son off at school

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtterTeam7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What did thr buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatOtherPapaya
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeW2017
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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What did the buffalo say as he dropped his calf off at school?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meme_peasant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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My wife and I don't want kids

So if anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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My wife asked me, β€œWhy don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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