There is this new Indian/BBQ fusion restaurant down the street from me.
It's a naan smoking establishment.
I was following a cow down a road when there was suddenly a terribly bright light that reflected off the cow. The cow was suddenly gone and only water vapor remained.
It was a glaring mist steak.
There was a worlwide study of bees, and they discovered that the bees from one country consistently tried to enter the hive upside down, and then realizing the mistake, would enter the correct way. What countries bee was this?
The U.S. Bee. (Edit: think computers - not a slag against America)
Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again
I guess she's just in the habit.
There once was a man who fell down a well.
Turns out, he couldn't see that well.
A lumberjack was cutting down a tree when he heard a groan. He stopped, listened, and thought he heard a voice. “Who’s there?” he asked. “It’s me,” said the tree. “I’m a talking tree.” The lumberjack paused for a moment, contemplating, then swung again with impunity and said…
“If you’re a talking tree, then you should die a log.”
There was a kidnapping down the street today.
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
I took my new puppy down below the sea in an aquatic vessel and it was really noisy down there.
I guess she might be considered a s Sub-Woofer
Transformer blew up down the street while I was taking a poo.. There was a bang, fizzle, and my power went out.
It was a pretty spooky dooky.
There’s a hair salon down the street that does a perm and color while you take a nap.
It’s called “Curl Up & Dye”.
I swear, I put it down right over there!
I heard it rained all weekend down there. How was your guys camping trip, what did you do?
Well it was really in tents.
When I was a kid, I fell down and hurt my knee. As I sat there crying, my father came over to check on me.
Dad pointed to a red area near the top of my knee that was obviously the injury and said “where does it hurt? Is it your high knee, (then he points much lower) or your low knee?”
I respond, “it’s my high knee.”
Dad says, “it’s your heinie??! I thought you hurt your knee!”
I remember being furious. I have now pulled this one on my five year old, and I can’t wait until my one year old is old enough to be on the receiving end of it as well.
There’s some money down the drain
At the start of the softball game, the other team asked if we could slow down the pitches. Things went downhill from there.
That was just the beg-inning.
Somebody get the Captain! There’s been a hull breach! We’re going down!
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
Just heard there is a geezer down the market selling Oxford vaccination for £2 each
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
My wife and I went down to the seafood market, but I didn't trust the employees there.
They seemed a little fishy.
There is a lady who lives down the street from me who only eats plants.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
Did you hear that there was a big fight down at the fish and chips shop
The fish got battered and the chips got assaulted
I went to sit down in my dads truck, but there were some wooden stands in the way. "What do I do?" I asked. He replied:
"Put the horses in the back."
I hate the song but it made me laugh
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, which promptly lays down on the floor. The barman says, “Oi mate, you cant leave that lying there!”
The man says, “It’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
They're complimentary."
Apparently there’s a group down the street that’s amazing at grabbing things, but they refuse to do it when I’m around.
They never seize to amaze me
My wife said she found a nice apartment for us, but there was no place to sit down and eat.
Shout out to my legs who are always there to pick me up when I'm down.
seen a stop sign that was missing one of its screws and just hanging there upside down today..
I just sat down on the toilet, and started peeing when I realized there is no toilet paper
I'm about to lose my shit
What do you call it when a star has problems with itching, swelling, bleeding, or burning "down there?"
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me.
I thought, well that's a little condescending.
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
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