I know exactly how many trees I’ve cut down in my lifetime.
Why did the Cyclops have to shut down his school?
Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down Calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
My friend's bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs
It’s a step by step guide
I met a really interesting woman in an abandoned house, and when we met, she sent chills down my spine. She moved so gracefully, that it was almost like she was floating. I thought we really hit it off, so I left her my number, but I never heard back from her.
I guess she’s ghosting me.
I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.
The celery was unacceptable.
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't. You get down from a goose.
I got an elevator installed, that only goes down
I expected people to ask questions about it, but it hasn't come up yet.
I can’t come up with any jokes about cutting down trees.
I left my smartwatch in a warehouse that shut down...
My wearable's wearing where wares once were.
Did you hear about the toilet company that got shut down for being a monopoly?
They were number 1 and number 2 in the business.
A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.
They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. >
The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.
They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, "we're just not gonna settle this. We don't see eye to eye. You're too old and out of touch and I'm too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion."
The boomer says, "that's a great idea!" And yells, "HEY BARTENDER, C'MERE!"
Don't be rude, guys... The server is down!
Honey, your son said he's thinking of burning down the neighbor's house!!
You mean, arson?
(I probably coulda worded it better, but you see where I'm going with it at least)
Today I actually saw a dwarf prisoner climbing down a wall
I thought to myself, “now that’s a little condescending”
What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill?
The largest cheese factory in Wisconsin burned down today.
All that was left was ash and de-Brie.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Stairs are always down for anything..
My friend and I were walking down the street when suddenly we came across a one-armed man.
He was pretty scary-looking and it was dark, so I got quite nervous.
Seeing this, my friend calmly said "don't worry about him, he's armless".
There was a worlwide study of bees, and they discovered that the bees from one country consistently tried to enter the hive upside down, and then realizing the mistake, would enter the correct way. What countries bee was this?
The U.S. Bee. (Edit: think computers - not a slag against America)
You guys hear about the horses that have moved in down the road?
I heard they’re very neighborly
i finally sat down to watch the movie Cars
I had no idea it was an auto biographical film
If you're locked outside your house bend down and calmly talk with the door lock.
Because communication is key.
I thought I was coming down with a cat flu
But I'm feline better now.
What do Batman and Superman become when they finally settle down?
I've got a joke about trickle down economics
But 99% of you won't get it
There once was a man who fell down a well.
Turns out, he couldn't see that well.
Did you hear about the auctioneer who died down the road?
He was only what 30? 31? 35? 37?
What do you call a wizard who fell down the stairs?
I saw two snow plows parked next to each other down the street while their drivers had a quick chat.
I told my wife they were having a plow-wow.
Barely a chuckle. sigh
My sons are three and one so they had no idea what I was talking about.
Had to share with some other fellow dad joke enthusiasts.
What did they say when the church burnt down?
My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement
What do you call a mathematician who cuts down trees?
My grandpa took down 17 planes on World War II
He was the worst aircraft mechanic ever
When I was a kid, my dad used to push me down hills in old tyres.
Those were the goodyears.
I saw a caveman the other day, he was massive, like 7 foot easy, and he was just casually walking down the street. One could say...
What do you say when a church is burning down?
I saw someone poop on a guy while walking down the street
He really did a number on him
A man is driving down the motorway when his friend calls, telling him that he sees a crazed driver on the news going down the wrong side of the motorway
To which he replied “One??? There’s hundreds!!!”
Sadly, many trains will be shutting down today.
They should've trained a bit more.
I’m so old now, I have to sit down to put on my shoes.
That’s the sit-shoe-ation.
Did you hear about the guy who saved the Greek deli from burning down in a fire?
What do you get when you hold a bottle of Coke upside down over your head?
Today I saw a dwarf laughing as he climbed down a prison wall
And I thought, "That's a little condescending"
I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs...
It's a step by step guide.
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