Does to Me Puns

A list of puns related to "Does to Me"

When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!” I replied, “Sure, it does.”

“It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

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👤︎ u/808gecko808
📅︎ Dec 22 2021
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How many alarms does it take to wake me up?

an alarming amount

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👤︎ u/kevindavis338
📅︎ Dec 10 2022
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My Latina wife said I was “muy perezoso”. I said “what the hell does that even mean??” She told me to look it up.

But I’m too lazy.

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👤︎ u/ilikesidehugs
📅︎ Dec 02 2022
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It’s really hard for me to tell anyone what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 30 2022
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Me to wife: What does 'nicht' mean?

Wife: It's "not" in german.

Me: That's good to know, but what does it mean?

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👤︎ u/Dragonfly55555
📅︎ Mar 26 2022
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I saw a machine near a store, but I i asked my friend what it does. He told me "oh its a machine to get change from bills"

I said, "oh, that makes cents"

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👤︎ u/lurebat
📅︎ Apr 21 2022
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Does anyone want to hang out with me while I chop some wood?

I'm axing for a friend.

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👤︎ u/greedydita
📅︎ Feb 09 2022
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My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"

"Yes." she replied.

"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"

She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Aug 19 2020
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My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.

He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"

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👤︎ u/ez-pz-lemon
📅︎ Jan 11 2021
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Sometimes my CCNA gives me golden opportunities for puns. Question to know the answer if by end of section: “what does a successful ping verify?”

Why, the defeat of the hun army and the safety of China of course!

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👤︎ u/Arakashi_moku
📅︎ Jun 26 2021
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My first-time pregnant wife asks "why does it take so long for me to warm up?"

Without missing a beat I responded, "because you're heating for two now."

I then proceeded to laugh at my own joke. I feel like I'm prepared for my future as a dad.

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👤︎ u/TheBoBReaper
📅︎ Jan 08 2019
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Wait, does this apply to me??

I just realized an unfortunate truth about people who make puns.

Most of their jokes are homophonic.

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👤︎ u/sconove1
📅︎ Aug 15 2019
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Does anybody want to do some nude modelling for me?

I can't pay you, but you'll get a ton of exposure.

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👤︎ u/canadianbacon23
📅︎ Mar 16 2019
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What does Gru (from Despicable Me) like to eat for dinner?

Filet minion.

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👤︎ u/DoomRulz
📅︎ Jul 26 2019
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My employee asked me what does it take to be a star performer..

Me: Mostly Hydrogen and Helium

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👤︎ u/phs_uw
📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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I asked my dad to bring me a glass of water, so he pointed at my aquarium and said "you have plenty" and walked out, and now everytime I ask for water he does this
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👤︎ u/d1nara
📅︎ Jun 08 2019
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I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: "What does surrender mean?" I said: "I give up!"
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👤︎ u/geve4now
📅︎ Mar 27 2019
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My wife stared icily at me and grumbled, “Why does everything have to be a game with you?!”

I shouted, “An excellent question, my dear! But next time, please use the buzzer!”

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ May 10 2018
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My dad sent this to me at 7:30 am. Where does he get the energy to do this?

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/OBGuaK7

I think making these is what powers him for the day:

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👤︎ u/Mozeeon
📅︎ Dec 19 2018
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Me(to dad): what processor does this computer have?

Mom(butting in): I think it's a Word processor...

Keep in mind English is my mom's second language and used to not understand puns or dry humor at all. I want to say I'm proud but I'm not sure that's how it works..

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👤︎ u/kiranai
📅︎ Jul 14 2018
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It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Apr 26 2021
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It’s difficult for me to say what my wife does

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

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👤︎ u/loWbAtTeRy67
📅︎ Jun 16 2019
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