If someone asks you to chop all his firewood for him, should you be nice and do it for nothing?
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︎ Mar 26 2022
My 7yo just dropped this nugget on us: What do you call it when giraffes are all crammed together and having trouble moving?
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︎ Dec 19 2021
What do you call it when you set all the TVs at Best Buy to play different Captain Hook movies?
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︎ Jun 04 2022
I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. Itβs justβ¦
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︎ Sep 29 2021
I donβt do it anymore, but back in high school, I coagulated, like, all the time.
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︎ Oct 27 2021
The other day, I dreamt about a young horse that was so unruly. It refused to do anything during the day, but spent all of the dark hours being wild, running and fighting any other animals it could find.
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︎ Dec 06 2021
My dad asked if all my friends jumped off a cliff, would I do it as well?
I replied, "Depends how tall Cliff is."
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︎ Aug 18 2021
Where do the hamsters go when it all just becomes way too much for them?
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︎ Oct 10 2021
What do you call it when a group of people all cough at once?
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︎ Oct 12 2021
Why do British people hate saying the letter T? Cusβ thats what they are too busy drinking it all the time.
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︎ Aug 04 2021
I heard it rained all weekend down there. How was your guys camping trip, what did you do?
Well it was really in tents.
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︎ Aug 27 2021
What do you call it when you only have a little butter left and you use it all on one last piece of toast?
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︎ May 27 2021
What do you call it when too many people become stupid all at once?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
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︎ Oct 30 2020
This isnβt mine and I donβt know who made it, but itβs been on my phone for so many years and I havenβt seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
What do you call it when all the cows the dairy farm go mad?
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︎ Jan 11 2021
What do you call it when all the hens in the henhouse quit on the same day?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
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︎ Aug 09 2019
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: βUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.β
βThat was pepper spray.β
Got me!
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︎ Oct 02 2020
I was on a game show and the final question was "What do you call a 3D painting made out of plaster?" I couldn't think of the answer and I was worried I'd lose all of the money. Then I got it right!
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︎ Sep 19 2020
This one made me proud as a dad. My 9 1/2 year-old son came up with it: What do you call someone you can't stand because all they do is annoy you with question after question?
An askhole.
I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.
I helped him tweak the setup a little, and then I had him tell his momma. I laughed even harder when she sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then busted out laughing with her hands over her mouth.
We explained to him that while the joke was not wholly appropriate for his age, it most certainly was funny.
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︎ Jul 10 2019
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Dont know if you've all heard, but there's been an email going around about canned meats. Whatever you do, do NOT open it...
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︎ Aug 11 2019
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!
It's my last resort!
Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"
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︎ Jan 08 2020
What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?
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︎ Jun 02 2020
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
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︎ Apr 01 2020
What do you call it when a grape gets paid to sit in the sun all day?
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︎ Mar 20 2019
Do yβall think, when the name Jupiter was suggested, someone said it had a nice ring to it?
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︎ Jan 16 2018
What do you call it when you accidentally play a stratocaster all weekend?
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︎ Apr 01 2017
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
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︎ Feb 20 2018
If all you do is pray for one outcome, are you leaving it up to chants?
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︎ Jun 19 2015
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
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︎ Nov 11 2017
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