my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.
What is it called when you die and are born again as a hillbilly?
“Tsars Die” is the most foreboding anagram. As a matter of fact, it could spell disaster.
My dad made another dad joke but this time it was die hard 5 instead of die hard 4.
You may have seen my other post a couple weeks back about die hard 4 and it got really popular and now my dad has made another joke and I want to prove to him that this was a bad one.
When the Russian guy was pushed off the building by mcclaines son and sliced by the helicopter, my dad said, “he got choppered.” Am I wrong or was this one a bad one?
If heaven isn’t real, when I die I want to become a star.
It would be a great constellation prize.
When you die, what part of your body goes to heaven first?
Your feet, because God takes your soul
If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally
Sauces tell me that you mayo die of laughter at this pun
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
When I die bury me on the weekend. Because the day I die will be sad,
But the funeral will be on a sadder day.
When you die which organ is the last to go?
They eyes because they di-late
What do snails become when they die?
I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die
This fact is just mind-blowing.
There’s this notorious serial killer that will argue with you till you die.
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
What are you most likely to die of while watching all the Shrek movies?
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, “you will die in 10 days.” I replied, “who are you??”
He said, “I hate to be the bear of bad news.”
how did the astronaut die?
How do depressed frogs die?
What did the ghost die from?
When does an artist die?
When she draws her last breath.
Do you know who can drink a gallon of gasoline and not die?
There is only one right I will do anything, even die, to obtain.
"No Time To Die" movie is delayed. Thread goes full-pun mode
Where does a UFC fighter go if they die in the octagon?
After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils because they dilate...
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes to cyan before they die.
Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?
When I die my wish is to be cremated except for my funny bone
That way my humerus with my family forever.
After failing the test on Pythagoras' Theorem, I wanted to die.
Why did the Italian stuck in snow die of hunger?
Cos he couldn't hava-lanche
Disney isn't going to die and go out of business even though they completely shut down operations and didn't produce anything for three months.
They just suspended animation.
If Kim Jong Un were to die, what would be his succeeder's name?
If Kim Jung Un did die
We can replace him with Kim Jung Dos
My Italian friend didn't die
My wife lamented that our newly planted hostas in the garden will probably die...
I quickly replied, if it happens, you can say Hosta la vista, baby.
That got me a round of slow clapping from the whole family.
My son said "daddy ,when I die I hope I die like uncle Ricky ,sleeping"
"and not like the passengers on the bus he was driving"
What is the sweetest way to die?
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
A pun to die for,,,, literally.
How did the humans die?
They used so much toilet paper they wiped themselves out
When I die, I hope to go quietly in my sleep. Like my grandfather. ...
... Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.
Want to know when youll die?
Wait until you have a midlife crisis, then double your age.
I was told this joke belongs here
🎶 Wheen it rips out your eye, and you bleed ‘till you die
Hypothermia is the coolest way to die
I was going to leave everything to my 2 sons when I die, but one son got arrested for a murderous rampage and the other left his wife and kids for his hot secretary...
Why did the cannibal die of starvation?
Because he didn't eat Jack this whole month.
How did the man with two butts die?
If you die from smoking weed does that mean that you were killed by a blunt object?
If you're waiting for me to tell you how to die underwater...
A pun my sister edited in snapchat and then sent to me: A Good Data Die Hard
Nice I can go die in peace
Dad, what happens when you die?
When you die, you don’t know you’re dead. Others feel that pain.
The same thing happens when you’re stupid.
A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.
Pun in, ten dead
Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.
Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.
-Mic drop-
Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?
Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.
(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
Why didn’t the man die when he drank poison?
He was in the living room.
How did nine, ten, eleven, twelve, and thirteen die?
Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve and thirteen.
If you die for your religion in a really stupid way ...
How often people die from corona virus?
Not an expert, but only once i guess.
Where do cats go when they die?
Where do mathematicians go when they die?
Old Lawyers Don't Die
They just lose their appeal
Why did the mammoths die out?
There weren't enough dadduths.
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. “We had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Anyone can be buried after they die...
But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.
i just wanna catch corona and die
but not without lyme disease
What's the name of the only Roman Emperor to die due to to Epilepsy?
So we gonna kill fish to make bioplastics, so that fish don't die eating regular plastics. Somethings fishy about this whole thing.
youtu.be/AHKaChoCDW8
Old musicians never die.
They just decompose.
(seen on the t-shirt of an actual dad today. Thank you for the chuckle, anonidad)
Where do turkeys go when they die?
The gravey-yard
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
What do you call a serial killer that will argue with you til you die?
How do depressed frogs die?
Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?
When you die, which body part dies last?
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes to cyan before they die.
When you die, which part of your body is the last to die?
I want to die in my sleep, just like my grandpa did...
Unlike the passengers in his car.
How did Kim Jong un's father die?
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
When you die which body part dies the last?
Your pupils, they dilate.
What part of your body is the last to die?
Your eyes, cause they dilate
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. “We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
What’s the last part of your body to die?
The eyes, because they DILATE
What part of the body dies last when you die?
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