Toro let the dream and reality merge and lay over each other swirling like fog pulled by a morning breeze. Floating looking down on the children hiding in the rubble on the edge of the bomb crater while laying on his back in the bed gave him the sensation that direction no longer existed. Was this the last of the Platinum in his system playing tricks with his mind? He could feel the hot desert air crashing like waves on an ocean of climate-controlled coolness. Wisps of electric hum floated by until he waved it away.
Fragments of the song drifted in from reality floating on the desert air like dry leaves he could pluck from the sky…I keep swinging my hand… Toro willed his floating form into flight to catch the next one…my hand through a swarm of bees…and another…swarm of bees because I want...one more…I want honey on my table…maybe this one…I’ll rip and smash the hornet’s nest…yes here it is…and I’ll do what I want…He was flying too far away from the children…I’ll do what I want…he should go back but he needed to catch these words that have never lost their meaning across thousands of years and trillions of AU…and I’ll do it again til I got what I need… When the whore shifted in her sleep the illusion in an illusion broke and he was floating over the children as if he had not moved. She pushed her face closer and he could feel the warmth of her lips on his neck. The desert breeze brought him the scents of sweat, sex, and whiskey. The climate control brought him the scent of the lavender oil she put in her hair. Toro slid his hand up from the bed to the small of her back and pulled her hips closer into him. The warmth of her body pressing down laying half on his mirrored the heat of the twin suns in the desert sky.
He knew the whore’s name was Helcha but he would not let her cast her magic on him by invoking her name. He could give up his life for this one. Only one death mattered and it wasn’t his own but he would not give this tender sorceress his so easily, yet. If he gave in she could use him to murder god and the devil on a whim. No. She wouldn’t concern herself with them, she would lock away the beast in him with a soft laugh and smile. What hell could the devil craft that would be a worse punishment than being trapped forever in this one's bliss? He could kill the m
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For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Bob
Nothing, it just waved
Just to clarify, 12345678
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
Because the audience only responds in a low ha
A happy Uncle.....
