"The Epic Split" featuring Jean Claude Van Damme
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michael_v92
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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On a family holiday to Bruges, we decided to walk to the nearby town of Damme. En route, my Dad said to my sister "your hair looks sort of OK today"

He then explained "to Damme with faint praise"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VWXYNot42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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You hear about the time Jean Claude Van Damme met Sean Connery?

Connery introduced himself. "Bond. James Bond."

And Van Damme replied. "Damme. Van Damme. Claude Van Damme. Jean Claude Van Damme."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pareboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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Jean-Claude VAN damm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hapitwat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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We used to have a Teacher’s assistant named Ruth, but one day she left.

After that, our teacher became ruthless

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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What do you call a Rubik's Cube that insults you?

A Rudebik's Cube.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Should I take the damm tour or not?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

I was like well damm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stalingrad420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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A group of settlers had just finished building a damm.

They looked at the valley below, they were gonna build a village and start new lives there.

One settler said to another: "This going to be our damm nation."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GirikoBloodhoof
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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My friend tries to impress women by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He’s a pickup artist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Classic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redwards2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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Did you hear about the French man who always wore denim?

His name was Jean Jaquette.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mack179
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg_of_RS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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What do you call an otter living in another otter’s dam?

A squ-otter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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How to get your kids to give you their ice cream?

When we were kids, my dad used to dare us to bite our ice cream without wincing. Obviously we couldn't. Then he took a bite of our ice cream (all 4 of us), his face staying straight as if it was nothing. We were always in awe and dared him to bite our ice cream every time we goes to the milk bar (creamerie).

We didn't knew he had a set of false teeth.

(Sorry for mistakes, I'm French Canadian.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aika1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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I'm naming my next cat

Sharp - Clawed Van Damme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MariaTheCatus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2016
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Asked dad how gramma died?

He told me it was the central heating system.

I asked him how?

He said "The radi ate her"!

DAMM YOU!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
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My father-in-law always told this one...

Father-in-law: See that place over there? (Points to a cemetery)

Wife: Sure.

Father-in-law: People are just dying to get in there.

You'll be happy to know she carries on the proud tradition and says it to our kids ever time we pass a cemetery...every, damm, time.

Edit:Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imdickie
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
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