Dads (film) Puns

He then says, " yeah ratatouille is a gangsta film. he's a dirty rat"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQosRqmOJiY

In class today he told us even if we had no shots to synch audio with we should still come to our lab tomorrow, and added "Everyone will get a chance to get that synching feeling."

Princess Mononoke.

He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."

So, my sister is having her final tests on high school (I'm in college and have a really cute son with my girlfried) and got home today with a weird look on her eyes. Me and dad were having some sandwiches and watching The Empire Strikes Back (Star Wars marathon hype!). I looked at her and asked what happened, she immediately responded "I'm tired as fuck." By that point, I looked at my dad. He was looking at me, with a sparkle on his eyes. We both stood up, walked to her and said together: "HELLO TIRED AS FUCK, WE ARE DAD" Even my mother started laughing. It was hillarious.

Edit: Thanks for my first ever Gold! I have no idea what it does but it sure is shiny =]

My daughter comes running through to me after watching a film where a young girl dies at the start,

Daughter : What would you do if I was to drop down dead in front of you.

Me: Clean the knife.

So the family was eating out and we were talking about films we were excited for. He suggested Thor 2 and we all disagreed. He than said: Im exited for Thor 5 because than i can go to the cinema and say "1 too see Thor 5".

It’s your best chance to see Chris’ pine.

(shoutout to my actual dad for this one)

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

Sø, I hêárd yöū lìkë föréigñ açćēńtš

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

So we were picking something from the TV guide after we'd finished watching a film and say to my dad, cause there was nothing good to put on, "Well? Well? WELL?" And the bastard replies, "A large hole, with water at the bottom." I tried so hard not to laugh, but he got me and it was pretty funny, unfortunately.

Brother: "Watch this film, it's very moving!" Dad: "Most films are moving, otherwise it'd be a picture"

So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.

Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niño, el niño, el niño

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niño, el niño, el niño

Weather patterns don’t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm

The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niño, el niño, el niño

So I was talking to my dad about a film I had just seen, "Whiplash" (fantastic film by the way). I quoted the now famous line "Were you rushin' or were you draggin'?" to him.

Without missing a beat, he replied: "Were you rushin' or were you ukrainan?"

God dammit dad.

I just watched the movie "Airplane", and the more I think about it, the more I realize that It's packed with dad jokes. The smoking ticket, the "drinking problem"... It's basically dad jokes the movie.

We're all sat watching a film with Christopher Plummer

Me: Is that Christopher Plummer?

Dad: No , it's Christopher the electrician.

cue exceptionally unimpressed look from me

Dad: what movie should i order tonight

Mum: well i want to watch the pianist

Dad: that sounds boring

Mum: it won best film at the Cannes film festival

Dad: yeah well how did it go at the bottles film festival?

Friday ... remembering my first time

We had sex education at school,

and were shown various films on the subject.

One I especially remember was the 'how to put on a condom'.

So when the time came,

and I was in the position to try out what I learned at school,

I took the condom and followed the instructions from the video.

All was going well, when she said

'So, now what do we do with the banana ??'

from 5-second films

Me and my dad: Watched a monkey documentary My Dad: Look they filmed you!

So, I went to see Gravity with my SO this evening, and when we came home my parents asked how the film was. I told them I didn't like it much, and my dad says 'It must have been too heavy'

Yesterday I was watching a film with the family, with a scene where the main character was driving towards the camera for a while. My Mum said "Ooh, do you know how they film those scenes?"

My Dad and I simultaneously turned to her and said "with a camera".

The pride in his face almost made me well up.

>!At the end of the film, Tony Says "I am Ironman"!<

>!The line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm Dad"!<

Hollywood must know we're tired of their films.

And he sees the film "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe is on and he looks at me and goes "Gladiator!! And so was she!!!" Hahahaha I just about fucking died.

At an event in filming at school, the adviser comes to check in on us. Im laying down on a battery, so I say "i'm sleeping on a battery." "You've gotta recharge somehow," he says

While watching the giver with my dad, he commented on how it was in black and white and I said, "Yeah, the book was in black and white too."

This one requires a little backstory:

There's a cardgame called WHOT! It's just uno but with different shapes. Me and my dad used to play it a lot.

Unfortunately it's led to the same terrible joke being made repeatedly over the last 10 years or so. It goes something like this:

Dad: "You'll never guess what film's on tv tonight."

Me: "What?"

Dad: "No, I don't think they made a movie out of that. It's a card game."

It's literally been going on for over a decade now and it pains me deep inside my soul every time he says it.

"They just found an early draft to the film Alien.

Ash: I can't find the milk, Ellen.

Ripley: In space no-one can. Here, use cream."

Classic midnight text from dad.

My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.

We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.

"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"

Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.

My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.

A photograph... of a green screen.

There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"

To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...

... it's green."

Background: I have some experience behind a camera and have been looking for a job filming. My friend was telling me about a possible opportunity.

Friend: Ya know, they are opening up an adult movie studio soon, there may be some job openings.

Dad: It doesn't pay much, but it's all you can eat!

So occasionally the theatres around my area will do a film series showing older films in the theatres format. This time around they’re doing Mafia films.

My dad is 62 and is slowly staring to see his cognitive strength dwindle, but there’s one ability he’ll never lose...

His ability to land a great dad joke

I was on a walk with my Dad last night and our conversation reached the topic of James Bond films.

Dad: "I've been to the place where they filmed the crocodile stunt in Live and Let Die."

Me: "Jamaica?"

Dad: "No, she came of her own accord"

>I don't remember...I was just a little baby.

Dad's favourite from the Marx Brothers film Duck Soup.

Me: What's up? Dad: Up is an animated film about an old man, a boyscout knockoff, and a talking dog that try and save a rainbow bird named Kevin.

Me: I watched The Human Centipede on Netflix last night. Definitely one of the top feats in modern film.

Dad: More like a hundred feet!

Endgame Spoilers

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At the end of the film Tony says "I am Ironman"

His line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm a Dad"