Cupertino Electric Puns

The latest Nissan Leaf (200+ miles) will also be featured as well as the historic EV-1.

Come on Model 3 owners!

https://driveelectricweek.org/event.php?eventid=899

I don’t have a fear of flying; I have a fear of Phil.

Who’s Phil? Phil is the guy who tightens the bolts that hold the wings onto the plane, the critical ones that keep them from ripping off in mid-flight, sending it hurtling to the ground in a pirouette death spiral.

Some time ago, Phil got distracted and left one of those wing bolts about a quarter-less tightened than he should. Normally Phil doesn’t do that; he’s good at his job, takes a lot of pride in it. Maybe he received an ill-timed text from his wife, irritated that he left his wet towel on the bed after his shower. Or one of his work buddies was ribbing him because Phil’s favorite team ate a huge shit sandwich in the big game over the weekend.

Whatever it was, it was enough to make Phil forget to give that bolt one last torque before moving onto the next. Tight enough to pass inspection, but a little too loose to withstand the bumps and vibrations that a plane experiences during takeoffs, landings, and heavy bouts of turbulence. Not just any plane; this plane, the one I was about to get on.

Over time, those vibrations have spun the bolt backwards, working its way out with each shimmy and shudder. By now it’s hanging by its last thread, and one more good hard bump is all it’s going to take before it falls out and-

“ID and ticket, ma’am?”

The TSA Agent’s voice roused me from my Rube Goldberg death scenario.

I had reached the front of the security queue, mentally elsewhere as I worked my way through the line. The Agent’s face scrunched with irritation because I didn't have my ID and ticket ready per the intercom’s instructions. Not following the rules must be a great annoyance to them, enough of a distraction to allow someone with a gun or a knife to slip right on through the line undetect-

“If you don't have your ticket you’ll need to go back to the ticketing kiosk,” the Agent said.

The man behind me exhaled a deep sigh that reeked of black coffee and cigarettes. His rumpled brown suit gave him the look of a life long traveling salesman. Probably wasn’t his first airport of the day, nor would it be his last. He looked like he could sleep through the heaviest of turbulence only to be annoyed when the flight attendant woke him to remind him to fasten his seatbelt.

I stepped aside with a meek “sorry” that no one but me heard. The line reformed behind the frumpy brown-suited businessman with his weathered suitcase filled with brochures for aluminum siding and definitely wasn’t a bomb.

The li

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

https://www.patentlyapple.com/patently-apple/2021/11/apples-project-titan-has-reportedly-gained-teslas-director-of-autopilot-software-christopher-moore.html

It was reported on October 22 that Tesla’s Director of Autopilot Software Christopher ‘CJ’ Moore left Tesla. Moore had been with Tesla for almost 7.5 years. Today we're learning that Apple has hired Moore, though his LinkedIn profile has yet to confirm that.

Moore will obviously be a part of the Project Titan team at Apple and will be reporting to Stuart Bowers, another former Tesla executive who joined Apple at the end of last year. Bowers had led Tesla’s Autopilot team before departing in mid-2019. So the hire is a great fit for Apple.

The move suggests Apple is plowing ahead with attempts to develop self-driving technology, a high-stakes race with automakers such as Tesla. Moore is joining a division known for its secrecy -- Apple has never publicly laid out its car plans – though has over a hundred patents on record supporting next-gen vehicle technology.

Recently, a lawsuit brought by the estate of a Florida man who died in a 2019 crash while using Autopilot is seeking to call Moore as a witness. Legal documents related to the case revealed in October that Moore had left Tesla.

To learn about the reported politics behind Moore's departure from Tesla, read the full Bloomberg report.

Apple has made a series of high profile hires for Project Titan in 2021. As early as January we learned that a string of key hires came from Tesla. A few other key hires include Dr. Manfred Harrer former VP of the Product Line Cayenne Bei Porsche AG.

In June, Apple hired Ulrich Kranz, a former senior executive at BMW AG’s electric car division.

And in September, Dr. Anton Uselmann came to Apple via Mercedes where he spent close to four years as a "Development Engineer, Steering System." Previous to that, Uselmann worked at Porsche for close to 6 years as a "Function Developer, Steering Systems." His background adds more intrigue to Apple's secretive project.

It has to be said that there isn't a company in the world that would amass such a large team of top talent for a "theoretical vehicle."

From Bloomberg:

Apple Hires Tesla’s Autopilot Software Director for Car Effort

TECHNOLOGY

Company News 19h ago Apple Hires Tesla’s Autopilot Software Director for Car Effort Mark Gurman and Dana Hull, Bloomberg News

The Apple logo on a store in San Francisco, California, U.S., on Mon

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

And now I’m cannelloni

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.