My girlfriend got me pretty good today.

I opened the cabinet to pull out the chocolate syrup when I noticed a chocolate fingerprint on the top. I jokingly asked her if she did that to mark it as hers since she had told me she might have to hide it to keep me from using it all. So, we go back and forth over whose fingerprint it is when she grabs it and takes it over to the dog. She holds it up and goes, "Eddie, look. Whose is that?" Of course, he's a dumb dog, so he just whines and wags his tail. She then comes back to me and says, "I sent the fingerprint to the Lab, results came back inconclusive." Cue long sigh.

Edit: Damn...

Edit 2: The Lab

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📅︎ Feb 13 2015
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Classic dad joke

I work in the toys department at a local store, and everything has recently been marked down to clearance prices due to new items coming in within the next few weeks.

Cue a dad and his six year old daughter. The little girl has a little bit of a southern drawl. The dad says to pick out something on clearance, and she can maybe get it. So little girl proceeds to pick up everything on clearance and announce "This is clearance!" Over and over and over again.

Finally, little girl picks up a Barbie doll and, once again, announces "this is clearance!" Well, to me and the dad, it sounds like she is saying Clarence. So the dad snaps into full on dad joke: "hi Clarence, I'm dad." I laughed out loud and the dad started cracking up too, the daughter confused at the joke.

TL;DR, Southern drawl six year old clearance shopping, making clearance sound like Clarence, dad snaps, "hi Clarence, I'm dad"

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📅︎ Jul 30 2017
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So our conductor got us today in rehearsal

While marking the role,

Him: "Is John here?"

Me: He'll be late. He's at a fencing competition.

Him: That's fine. I won't let it cause me a fence

Cue groaning

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👤︎ u/badoodish
📅︎ Aug 23 2014
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