What is Jesus favourite sport?

CrossFit.

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👤︎ u/ryan_godzez
đź“…︎ May 22 2022
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The quality of education is so poor today that some people don't even know the difference between a checklist and a ticklist!

Checklist: a tool for ensuring coverage of a subject can be completed with a check mark of some form, for instance, a cross, a tick, etc.

Ticklist: someone who is tickling you.

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👤︎ u/jjoojjoojj
đź“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Why did Ghislaine Maxwell cross the road?

Because all the cameras were malfunctioning, and the guards were not doing their checks, and even though she said she didn’t want to cross the road, we think she did it anyways.

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👤︎ u/jvanzandd
đź“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
đź“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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A man hit a rabbit with his car, while driving past a church in an unfamiliar town, one easter morning...

Stopping his car he got out to check if it was okay.

In a stroke of good fortune the rabbit was still alive, just.

The man went into the church to see if there was anyone who could help him.

A kindly Priest saw the man and offered to help. He asked the Mab to wait a moment while he got something that might help...

... After a few moments the Priest returned with a small flask and poured the contents on the rabbit. Which hopped up right as rain!

The rabbit waved to the man, and crossed the road.

After crossing the road the rabbit turned around an waved again. After a few hops the rabbit turned around and waved again. This continued until the man could no longer see the rabbit. A few hops, turn and wave.

When the man turned back to the kindly Priest and asked him, "What was in that bottle anyway, Holy water?"

The Priest replied, "oh nothing like that. It was haer restore, with a permanent wave."

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👤︎ u/GerFubDhuw
đź“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
đź“…︎ May 04 2017
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Cow Puns

From animal puns, we bring for you this funniest bundle of cow puns

How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space!


What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder!


What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.


What is a cows favorite colour? Maroooooooon.


Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.


What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer


What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? Peanut butter.


What do u call a really strong cow? Beefy.


What do you get when you walk under a cow? A pat on the head.


How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw.


Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him.


What are a cows favorite subjects in school? Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus


What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!


What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder-Catastrophe


Where do you find the most cows? Moo-York


What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever


Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!


Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!


Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle? It wants to keep it’s Stockholm!


What is the definition of “moon”? The past tense of “moo”!


Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress? She was charged with rustling!


Why was the calf afraid? He was a cow-herd!


Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!


What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!


What’s the best way to make a bull sweat ? Put him in a tight jumper !


What South American dance do cows like to do? The Rump-a


What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A shadow


What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.


What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!


What did the calf say to the silo? “Is my fodder in there?”


What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!


Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!


What’s a cow’s favorite moosi

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
đź“…︎ Apr 29 2017
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Fish Puns

Within animal puns, we provide you the funniest bundle of fish puns

What did the fish say when he posted bail? “I’m off the hook!”


Why don’t fish like basketball? Cause they’re afraid of the net


Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!


What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated


What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!


How do you make an Octopus laugh? With ten-tickles


Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!


Why don’t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.


What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.


What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna


Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.


What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.


Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments.


What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies.


What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall? Damn!


Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one thow it at you.


How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale.


What happens when you drink like a fish? You piss like a fire hose.


Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just Squidding.


What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!


What did the fish say when he posted bail? “I’m off the hook!”


Why don’t fish like basketball? Cause they’re afraid of the net


Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!


What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!


How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles


Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!


Why don’t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.


What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.


What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna


Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.


What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.


Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
đź“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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Whenever we pass a sign for the city of Livermore...

My dad looks at me and says, "I wonder what happened to Liverless!"

He does this kind of joke for everything though. Crossing the Dumbarton Bridge he'll say, "Damn, the Smartbarton Bridge is always faster!"

Or at the dinner table, if we were eating out of bowls...he would look at me and say "Hey check it out..." then he would slide his bowl back and forth and say "I'm having a bowl movement at the dinner table!"

I love him.

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👤︎ u/dexreddit
đź“…︎ Jul 31 2013
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