How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?

They just ransomware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the β€œGuess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.

He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasngas42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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The police show up on a crime scene

They walk in and see a man standing over a body with a broken neck. So they take the man into questioning and ask him why he did it, the man said β€œIt was a snap decision”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bear6677
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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At crime scenes where they sketch out a body with chalk?

Is that technically a die-agram?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gooddayitisi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Crime scene cleaner once said:

Most people are dying to see him πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m1ngaa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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How did the hacker escape the scene of the crime?

They ran-some-where

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leMEME0550
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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What happened to the purse when it was found at a crime scene?

It became an accessory to the crime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heebiepjeebie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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We got called to a crime scene at a Swiss Cheese Factory.

We were trying to get the full story but we think there's holes in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalpTheFan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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At the crime scene

Detective: You need to take this seriously Me (laughing): I am picks up leg bone Me: I found this humerus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imav8n
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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Scene of the Crime: Mother's Day Brunch

While we were having brunch, I took a delicious bite of a Smoked White Sturgeon Tartine and said "Mmmm, I love capers." My husband replied, "Is that why you watch all those crime shows?"

He still retells that one, because he's so proud of his best dad joke yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strixaluco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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A detective arrives

11.45 : arrived at crime scene

11.45 : Examined body. Signs of struggle

11.45 : Found murder weapon in drain

11.45 : Realised watch was broken

.

.

.

.

.

My son: but this is not a dad joke.

Me : what is a day joke then?

My son : when the joke becomes a(p)parent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Channel Shark News

I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.

Edit: I can't spell fixed typos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phroedrick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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A murder happened at a local grocery store...

When the police showed up, everything was in disarray. Employees were panicked. Family members were present, and crying. The lead detective approached the scene of the crime to see what happened. Milk was spilled all over the floor, and spoons were scattered everywhere. The detective spoke after a moment of thinking and said, β€œThis appears to be the work of a cereal killer.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolff_X
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Law and Order Bel-Air

How did they know Will Smith was at the Crime scene?

He left Fresh Prints

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legomaniac316
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Five British teenagers were shot last night

But when the police investigated the crime scene, they only found one bullet. The officer also noticed that the bullet holes entered the bodies on the right side of their heads, and came out at the left side. The officer turned to his colleague and stated: β€œLooks like the bullet was shot in One Direction”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emotioneel
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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My best puns!
  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. You have to rush Limbaugh!

3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.

4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!

  1. can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!

9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.

IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CORALGRIMES357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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Was cooking dinner with the fiance the other night and sent her into a giggle fit

She had come home with a bag of groceries and in it was a bunch of broccoli tied together with some yellow rubber tape. It kind of looked like a crime scene when she laid it on the counter. So I asked her, "Did you hear from the eyewitness that saw this broccoli murder?" She said No. So I say, "One guy saw two other broccoli gangsters roll up and shoot the guy. Then they both jumped in their car and the gangster told his driver to floret

So bad, but it got her good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themanimal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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