Crewe Puns

He heard they were there to shoot a pilot

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

All Hans On Deck!

...that's where I finally had to draw the line.

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, “one ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, “Two ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, “Why do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, “Well men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, “TWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, “Men, bring me my brown pants.”

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

A good retirement plan.

And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over." I wonder how many times before they airlock me.

A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg, asking “How’d you get that?”

“Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.”

The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked “How’d you get that?”

“Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.”

The sailor then pointed to the pirate’s eyepatch, again asking “How’d you get that?”

“Aye, a bird flew by and shat in me eye.”

The sailor responded with “That’s not as impressive as the first two”.

“Aye, it was me first day with me hook.”

... I had to give them a stern warning.

Crew: I I Caprain.

The clean-up that followed was all hands on deck.

Doctors said the man had died from dissin’ Terry

I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.

One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."

The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.

He's my mast-cot.

it was called Run DMZ.

He died from dysentery.

All fries on me.

Captain.

Ro me ti

Hello, I just joined this subreddit, here is my contribution:

What did the pirate crew name their crewmate who had a ton of back hair?

Captain Backbeard

The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

Well deserved. Take a Bao.

"maned missions" was getting pretty crude.

The crew got the Mercedes-Bends

The crew came to him and said:

"We be ready for the voyage, cap'n!" "Arrr! It's 'we ARE ready for the voyage,' ye scallywags!"

The crews were marooned.

Hot Poles filling pot holes.

They didn’t have commander data with them.

They couldn't have any dead weight.

The first time my daughter was on a plane, she looked out and saw the ground crew, and asked what they did. I proudly said that they are the "monbacks". When the plane pushes back from the gate they holler to the pilot "MON BACK....MON BACK".

It's ex-siding

It was on r/upliftingnews

Did you hear about the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint that collided.

Both crews are believed to be marooned.

At the ball were many important people, well above the setup’s class. There was Original Content, Reposts, and even a couple from Google Searches for ‘Dad Jokes Nobody Knows’.

Just seeing them made his mouth dry, so he began looking for something to drink. He knew his friend Joke was there somewhere, part of the crew catering the food and drinks. Seeing a server carrying glasses of champagne, he went up to him and asked,

“Would you know where to find the one they call the Joke? He’s supposed to be running drinks I think,”

“Yeah! For sure. He’s right over there! You’ll find him at the end of the punch line,”

A Prime Directive

His office is run by a skeleton crew.

Son actually calls an ambulance.

Dad dies of disappointment.

They were all marooned.