Continuous testing Puns

It’s a vicious cycle.

After extensive testing the doctor informed him he was suffering with a brain cloud, which would be fatal if not treated, and would require a brain transplant. The doctor opened his cabinets to display the brains he had on hand and started explaining the pricing. We have here Doctors brains for $10,000 an ounce, lawyers brains for $15,000 an ounce... The patient continued scanning his options until he came to redditors brains, $10,000,000 per ounce. The patient inquired, "I don't think I've lost my mind yet, but why are redditors brains worth so much more than Doctors or Lawyers brains?"

The doctor replied, "Do you have any idea how many redditors it takes to get an ounce of brain?"

You can't make this up: trying to hang a mirror and shelves for my 2 year old's room. He's "helping". We pull out the studfinder to see where to drill. It took everything but i resisted the urge to make the obligatory dad joke about testing it on oneself, i figure he's too young to get the joke anyways. Studfinder is broken. O well, we look for it by tapping and we find the stud, and hang the mirror. My son continues to play with the studfinder the rest of the day. A few hours later, he comes up to me and starts rubbing it on my back. And the studfinder that was broken all day suddenly starts working.

Apparently it just needed calibrated.

A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"

The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.

"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"

Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.

"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

I was sat a few seats away from a man and his son/grandson and he was testing the kid on his math.

Man: "what's 2+2"
Kid: "4"
Man: "what's 4+4"
Kid: "8"
Man: what's 8+8"
Kid: "16"

This continued all the way up to 2048

Man: "okay then... if you have two yards, what have you got?"
Kid: "umm.... two metres?... a metre?"
Man: "no, you have a back yard and a front yard"

I let out a little chuckle but the kid didn't seem to enjoy it as much