Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limechic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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In coal country there was a highly-regarded regional dish made from the community’s table scraps.

You can’t make it legally anymore though. A judge ruled that all the people supplying food were contributing to the delicacy of a miner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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My mom’s sister runs the local candlelight services for the community

She is a vigil-aunty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samwyzh
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..

..to find exactly 32 of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?

With a cowculator!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnohthathurt
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is???

Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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What is the fastest growing city in the world?

Capital of Ireland

It's Dublin everyday

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones.

But people in Abu Dhabi do.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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I made a belt entirely by braiding together herbs that I found in my pantry. It took me about five hours.

What a waist of thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boris_keys
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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How do you cut the ocean in half?

With a sea saw!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsNikolaiWolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.

Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikolai_G
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is floating in the ocean?

Bob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaNullman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Which vehicle is part of the LGBTQ community?

The bi-cycle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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Why are gas powered cars part of the LGBT community?

They have a transmission.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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Someone in a supermarket is eager to join the pun-community
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llondru-es
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.

"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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A man went to the hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach

His condition is stable now

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They’re both Paris sites

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?

Outlaws are wanted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What should you do if the lights in a Chinese restaurant are too bright?

Dim sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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My uncle was in a band called The Hinges.

They supported The Doors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
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Why does it take all afternoon to eat all of the herbs in the pantry?

Because it’s a thyme consuming activity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aurrutia214
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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I told my daughter, β€œGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, β€œWhat’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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I don’t get any of these dad jokes in this community!!!!

I must not have Reddit right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ah20250
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesn’t just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon. reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KicksandStrings
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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I fell into the river in Paris.

People said I must be in Seine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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A net loss to the community...

https://preview.redd.it/etjneuh87qe61.jpg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a43ed23f6164c205e69659f2949861fff21d7c0f

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket,

You can hide, but you can’t run!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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At the lab in my doctor’s office: reddit.com/gallery/o6qu01
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Before you go in the bathroom you're American...

After you come out, you're American...

What are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

(as told by my 10 year old daughter)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GETNRDUNN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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My buddy called and asked me to meet him at the record shop in 45...

I made it in 33, which is record speed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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There are two types of people in the world.

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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I just got a new job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line

so I have to make every second count.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pretend-Genius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Fire in the hole!
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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For the charge of murder, the judge only gave Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci community service

because they were goodfellas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergioarmagh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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How do you cut the ocean in half?

With a sea-saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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