A list of puns related to "ClapClapClap!"
The thunder clap.
Bump…
Bump…
Bump…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.
Faster…
Faster…
FASTER…
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!
And…
The coffin stops….
Every time the chef made a meringue, the audience clapped. I was confused. I always thought Australians boo meringue.
All he does is stand clapping at the roof
I said to him, "So no one told you life was gonna be this way?"
[Insert claps here]
He started clapping.
(Obligatory: actually happened today, my mom messaged me to complain about his bad joke. I thought it was fucking hilarious.)
Halfway through the show, the music stops and Bono stands middle stage clapping his hands every few seconds. "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies" Without missing a beat, from somewhere in the front of the crowd a man bellows out in a thick Irish accent: "Well stop fucking doing it ya evil bastard!"
None, as the rest clapped and cheered.
I quickly replied, if it happens, you can say Hosta la vista, baby.
That got me a round of slow clapping from the whole family.
Only his closest family was at the funeral but they live streamed it on Zoom. Some degenerate hacked the feed and starting playing the hokey pokey audio and he kept putting his left foot in and out of the coffin. His family was initially horrified at the hack but later was able to laugh a little, out of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. They learned to live in the moment and remember the good moments of life, and that’s what it’s all about.
clap clap
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
I once killed a fly by clapping on it, it’s blood is on my hands
A physicist, an engineer and a statistician go on a hunting trip. They see a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance to the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, he fires but misses five feet to the left.
The engineer says he forgot to account for the wind, takes the rifle, aims and misses five feet to the right. The statistician claps and says "we got him!".
And why is he saving time so much?
Hope this hasn't been done before lol don't clap me if it has lmao
Not even a dad joke but yano no other sub to post it
I am currently working at an art camp for kids in elementary school. It's mainly girls and they all love frozen. When they behave well do their work we put on music. Today I gave in and tried to put on the sound track but the computer froze so I said "it's frozen... Literally." No laughter and lots of whining. Asked one of my coworkers what to do and he said just leave it alone and don't worry about it. To which I replied "so I should just let it go?." I received a slow clap from my coworkers.
Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-
He said, "So I'll go first?"
I said sure.
I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.
He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wall-E.
He stepped out of the building and kept on drawing his line. At this point I was trying to guess what the hell is the outcome. I kept screaming punchlines at him like "is this where you draw the line?", "are you going to punch me after this so this is a punchline?" and shit like that. There were people following us and two were taking videos and it was really fucking uncomfortable.
Right after he was outside the building and the premises, he started to draw this stunning drawing of the building right on the pavement. It was almost magical, as if he had been commissioned to make an ad for my place but for a million bucks. At this point the people who were following us didn't even get pissed off because they were so engrossed in his drawing. I was surprised the marker kept going on.
After about 20 minutes - he was a real quick draw (no pun intended) - he stood up and a crowd of two dozen clapped and cheered for him.
I told him, "Dude that looks fucking amazing, but I thought we were in a pun-a-thon. Why such a long set-up?"
He replied, "Yeah it was pretty drawn out."
(for more drawn-out jokes like this, visit r/feghoot!)
Then everybody clapped
A man walks into a crowded, smokey club. He sits at a empty table, next to many nicely dressed men and women. They are all facing a piano lit by a spotlight. Everyone begins to clap as a horse walks out on two legs. Wearing a tailored suit, it sat in front of the ivory keys. In a panic of anxiety it stumbled down the keys, striking random and disjointing notes. As everyone in attendance held there ears, the man stood up and yelled "That's one phoney pony."
I once held up a sign that said applause.
...Then everybody clapped.
He started clapping
Because, if you're happy and you know it clap your Hans.
"Son, if you're going to argue, argue naked".
The reception erupted in claps and roaring laughter. I will remember that advice for the rest of my life.
Thank you dad for that wonderful memory.
Me: I'll be back Dad: I'll be Beethoven
Tldr; slow clap
I was giving notes in the directions for an upcoming assignments when a student mumbled something to another student. Thinking it might be a question, I asked what was said.
"I was talking about my sneakers." He admitted.
Annoyed at the off topic interruption, I quipped, "Oh, are they A-D-Didas?"
Most groaned, a few clapped...
The baby said excitedly "it was awesome; everyone was clapping for me!"
I was just coming back from a camping trip with a whole bunch of stuff, trying to get it into the house.
My parents both walk up.
My mom: "Do you want a hand?"
Me: "Sure"
My parents look at me and both start clapping.
Me: -__-
The clap.
It's raining really bad right now (we live in Florida). There's rain, thunder & lighting. I was in my bedroom when we hear a loud thunder clap. I heard my daughter scream & I instinctively ran to her room. She sees me, starts to laugh & says "daddy, I wasn't that scared". I reply "sorry baby, I was just checking". She goes "I'm ok, it just shocked me" & then laughed.
In the car with girlfriend and her parents talking about summer jobs
Me: "You could be a cleaner! How do you go on a vacuum cleaner?"
GF's Mum: "She sucks!"
Me: Slow Claps
Without hesitation
... "neigh"
Slow claps were shared.
I am currently in a intercultural communication class in college. Because its the beginning of the semester we always have to do some goofy activity and because the class is about culture everyone would tell something interesting about theirs. So this little Asian kid in class starts talking about customs growing up. He says how when he was little he remembers his father farting, and his dad asking why he is not clapping "in this culture you clap after your father farts." The whole time hes telling this I am thinking...no way...this dad is a savage. I kind of got a feeling he was starting to pick up on it, he started talking slow and thinking about it. Long story short: he clapped after his dad farted presumably for years, practicing their culture. What do you think?
So I’ve just gotten home from a run last night. My mum reminds me to wash my hair, and my brother quips in by saying; ‘Don’t forget to put some shit in your hair’ (toilet humour is the norm in my house).
After showering, I come back downstairs and find my brother. ‘Hey Rob (that’s his name), I remembered to put some shit in my hair … but I think it was fake.’ I say. He gives me a funny look. ‘I think it was sham-poo’.
My dad who is sitting nearby groans. My mum gives me a slow clap. I feel really proud.
That feel when pun is life.
Walking around the grocery store with dad when we see some jerk sauce out of place.
Dad: "I can't believe this, what type of person leaves a bottle of sauce like this out of place?!" (He's being pretty loud)
Me: "Who."
Dad: "A jerk."
Person behind us snickers
Everyone starts clapping.
Me - "Would you like to try our Turkey BLT special today?"
Probably a Dad - "No, thank you. I've been addicted to thanksgiving leftovers lately. I've been trying to quit, cold turkey..."
Slow clap.
In history class, talking about economic impact and prices of goods.
Student: "I hear they're thinking about raising milk prices to around 7 dollars or something!"
Teacher: "That would be utterly disgusting."
Only a slow clap from a couple kids while he wore a beaming smile, proud of his daily dad joke.
Driving down a remote country road...
Wife: Hey, there is an otter over there!! (pointing out her window)
Me: Well I otter [ought to] go back and take a look!
Followed by a mixture of groans, facepalms, and slow clap from kids and wife.
I attended a Decemberists concert this evening. Before the encore, the drummer, John, insisted that he tell us a joke.
"Did you hear about the pig who had a cut on his leg? Yeah, his friend came by and asked, 'Would you like me to get you some OINK-ment?'"
The only sound that followed was that of myself clapping.
My wife and I went to a concert today and someone in the audience started clapping before the music finished. It was a case of premature adulation.
There were so many vampires at my Halloween party I lost Count.
-slow clap-
I came home from work and my 3 and 4 year old kids told me they learned how to play Simon Says. I thought a test was in order.
Me: "Simon Says, clap your hands!"
Kids: [clap clap clap]
Me: "Simon Says, touch your nose!"
Kids: [touch their nose]
Me: "Simon Says, lick your finger!"
Kids: [lick their index finger]
Me: "Put your finger in your ear!"
Kids: [put their index fingers in their ears]
Her: does cool vape smoke trick
Family and friends: clapping
Me: "oh look she got the clap" Groans and disturbed faces were made
... and the audience clapped when the chef made meringue.
I was shocked when I found out that Australians usually boo meringue.
And the audience clapped when the chef made meringue. I was surprised as Australians normally boo meringue.
When behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER
FASTER
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, and slams it shut and locks it behind him.
However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clacking
Clapity-BUMP...
Clapity-BUMP...
Clapity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs in the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him
A man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the bottle of cough syrup at the casket and...
The coffin stops.
A man is walking home alone one foggy evening, when behind him he faintly hears:
thump...
thump...
thump...
Senses tingling, he begins walking faster only to look back and make out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.
THUMP...
THUMP...
THUMP...
Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER
FASTER
THUMP...
THUMP...
THUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, slams it shut and locks it behind him.
However, the casket crashes through the door, and with the lid of the casket clacking on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Clappity-THUMP...
Clappity-THUMP...
Clappity-THUMP...
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH! the casket breaks down the door. Thumping and clapping towards him, the man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws it at the casket and...
The coffin stops.
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