You murder a Christmas tree and bring it's dead body inside.
I must have caught the bahum-bug
It’s called the Santa Clause
Presence.
So I did https://imgur.com/a/SvwzZnA
But I just can't seem to open the bottle
Idaho-ho-ho!
Kudos to my 9 year old son for coming up with this on his own.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but Christmas passed."
I walked by a nativity scene yesterday and the sheep told me, "Fleece Navidad".
You could call him eggnogstic.
Mom hangs up ornament on tree different ornament falls Mom: "My god this was not hung properly!" Dad: "Well at least I'm hung properly"
Christmas, because they are in spirit
The company I work for was having their annual Christmas party, but this time on Zoom for obvious reasons, and they asked me to host. I panicked as I had no idea how I would keep the crowds' spirits high. So I came to this sub and used a lot of you guys' dad jokes. Being a dad myself I thought it would work out. And it did! Your jokes killed! I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to all the submissions on this sub. The jokes on here are gold.
I don’t mean to be a Grinch and impede on the holiday spirit. However, those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has red and blue flashing lights?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays🎄.
We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright
I bought a bottle of whiskey for our pastor and when my son saw it he said, "straight rye whiskey ... the true spirit of Christmas."
He's going to make a great dad someday.
Getting into the christmas spirit, i went out and bought some eggnog, i was drinking it last night. my dad walked into the kitchen as was watching me drink it.
dad- 'god, that looks disgusting, how could you drink something that is made of egg?'
me- 'have you had it?'
dad- 'no'
me- 'well, you shouldn't nog it till you try it'
So my mom walked up to the table with a bag full of gifts and said Christmas came early. She'd got each of us a little gift in order to start up the Christmas spirit.
My dad looks at each of us and says "I guess you could say today's not thanksgiving anymore. It's thanksgetting!"
Dad got me with this one this morning. My Christmas present was a bag of mini cheeses.
Dad: "I got you this in the true spirit of Christmas."
Me: "What does Christmas have to do with cheese?"
Dad: "Are you kidding? Christmas is all about baby cheesus!"
