Carthusian Martyrs Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

But let me give it a shot.

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

As Catholics we know we should be turning to the Saints as our role models in faith. After all, we are each called to sainthood and these amazing men & women achieved not only sainthood but they were canonized and earned their "big S." There are Saints for every human experience under the sun: mental illness, impossible causes, hardened hearts, Marian devotion, merciful devotions, and so much more. But for the Catholic discerning marriage, it might be hard to feel like following in a Saint's footsteps is possible. After all, so many of them were priests, religious sisters, monks, or celibate martyrs. You don't hear many stories of Saints that achieved their state through married life. So here's a list of people that were married AND became Saints to inspire you to do the same.

Louis and Zelie Martin

Louis was a young man who discerned out of monastic life Zelie was a lace maker in France. They were married and open to life but unfortunately lost many children to illness as infants. That didn't stop them from loving God and raising their 5 remaining daughters to love Jesus devoutly. Zelie died when her youngest was but a small child but Louis continued in the faith formation of their daughters - all 5 of whom entered the convent (4 of which were Carmelites). Without their loving, holy example of what a Catholic family should look like, we never would have been blessed with the teachings of St Therese of Lisieux.

St Rita of Cascia

Most imagery of St Rita portrays her in her later life, after she joined the St. Mary Magdalene Monastery and became an Augustinian nun. However, before that she lived a life as a mother and wife. Despite feeling a calling to religious life, Rita married her husband, Paolo Mancini, out of obedience to her family. They had two sons. One day, while their children were young, her husband was murdered over heated political tensions. Rita's in-laws wanted her sons to fulfill societal obligations and avenge their father. Rita, however, wanted to take a more Christ-like approach. After all, blessed are the peacemakers. She forgave her husband's murderers and urged her sons to do the same by reminding them that Jesus forgave those that crucified him. After the tragic death of her sons to illness, God called her once again to enter religious life; however, she was denied entry until she could get her in-laws to

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Until he discovered it was extra sharp.

Christopher Walken

Mentos

(I will see myself out)