Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.
They really missed out on a great opportunity by calling them defibrillators
Should've called them heartbrakers
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
I’m writing a musical work based on Timon and Pumbaa from the Lion King. I’m calling it the Hakuna Cantata.
An old doodle I found on my phone! “Pot calling the kettle black”
Colbert is calling on America to cope with surplus cheese. Drops a slew of cheese related puns starting at [1:33](https://youtu.be/37-pPk0bJ-o?t=1m33s).
youtube.com/watch?v=37-pP…
*Tells 3-4 dad jokes. Follows up with:* You can just start calling me butter... cause I’m on a roll!!
The Caller Id on the Speakerphone announced who was calling . . .
Phone: "Call from ... Jorge S ... Jorge S ..."
Me: "?Jorge es que?"
Family: (groans)
My dad on calling out from work [Picture]
So I was monitoring our progress on Google Maps and calling out the distance to the next turn as it changed...
Daughter: "Dad, maybe you don't update our progress every mile?"
Me: "Actually, I'm updating our progress every .1 of a mile. Does that make you tenth?"
Earned me the coveted groan with double eye roll...
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
What do call a Grandma on speed dial?
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
How do you call a princess who leaves you on read?
What do you call a drunk person staggering along a street on their way home trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement?
What's it called when Batman skips out on Church?
What is it called when you get a discount on explosives?
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile.
I don't know what I metaphor.
I put on 30 jackets one on top of the other, someone calls me and asks me to go out, I said I can’t ...
What do you call a spicy green dish made on Sesame Street in India?
Who does Apple call on to provide testimony in court?
What do you call a corpse on a boat?
What do you call Zoomer on Zoomer crime?
What do you call a fish that sings right on key?
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?
What do you call a guy whose car breaks down on his way to meeting his lover?
What do you call someone who insists on being called Nicholas?
What do you call the nose on a bust?
What do you call a man from the Netherlands who is also flying on a airplane?
What do you call Minecraft on Mute?
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!
Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?
My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...
...but then my life would be meetingless.
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
What do you call a duck that's high on drugs
What do you call a president that you quickly turn off and on?
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
What do you call it when you catch a fish on every cast while deep sea fishing?
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn
What do you call a sorceress that lives on the beach?
What do you call a guy with an ant on his knee?
What do you call a tariff on skin?
What do you call a porta-potty that’s bigger on the inside?
What do you call a software update on an iPhone or and iPad?
What do you call it when there is nothing on your math homework?
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
What do you call a princess who leaves you on read?
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
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