My dad, type 2 diabetic, after 11 months of suffering chemo/radiation treatment for pancreatic cancer, 5 months after he was told the surgery failed and it was terminal. Brother reads off the back of a Sweet'N Low packet "...been determined to cause cancer to laboratory animals" Dad snaps back

"Bullshit! I've been using that stuff for years and...(looks at 13" scar across his stomach from whipple procedure to remove tumors, looks back at family for effect) oh... shit..."

Never lost his great attitude towards life, family, and people in general. Always quick with a joke/dad joke until the end.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude0311
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
🚨︎ report
It took my brother-in-law 2 kids for him to settle into his role

https://imgur.com/a/583Ao

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FOX_SMOLDER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius...

But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Forgotten sibling

Everyone knows about famous painter Bob Ross but few have heard about his brother Albert who was famous for his 6 ft wingspan..

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feral1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tazzles26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My half brother is 6ft 3inches...

Just imagine if he was a full brother.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Sitting around watching the birds crowd around the bird feeder,

My brother says, "Someone must have left a good Yelp review." I said, "Yeah, somebody tweeted about it."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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I'm applying coats of varnish to the table I'm making

My brother: Jeez, How many coats do you need? I'm sure the table is warm enough already!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyBaanks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Just my Dad coming out with Dad things...

So my brother is telling us about his girlfriends family, saying her dad is fussy with food and he doesn't eat a lot, probably because he smokes.

Dad "Does he eat his cigs?"

Then proceeds to laugh at his own joke saying that was a beauty that was.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarryPopperSC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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so anyway im switching my major to marketing...

just a few hours ago my brother was talking about buying cinnamon rolls from his english teacher who bakes and sells it on instagram as a side hustle and i said IF SHES AN ENGLISH TEACHER SHE SHOULD CALL THEM SYNONYM ROLLS and honestly im super proud

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacksonCM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If my brother gets his legs amputated...

Does that make him my half brother?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boodahbellie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study.

His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeik5150
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if the Christmas crab has been to your house?

By the sandy claws tracks..... my dad just told my brothers and I that one now. Not sure if it’s been posted already

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corn0nthe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.

But my Brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.

I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaggie42069
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A real conversation between my brother and his wife + me

Brother: Babe, we need to eat all the pears, they’re going to go bad soon.

SIL: but I don’t like pears, you can eat the rest of them...

Brother: I don’t think I can eat the rest of them by myself though...

Me, from another part of the room: well you better pre-pear yourself!

*ugly laughs from the couch

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/easolo23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a date with a demon last night...

But I’m not really into the possessive type.

(My brotherβ€˜s joke not mine)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyXorron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard this i while back don’t remember where its from, sorry if it seems butchered(longish)

One day a loving husband and father of 2 sons comes home, one of the sons asks him to come upstairs, so he comes upstairs and his son saysβ€œdad, im gay” the father, surprised says β€œwell, okay, i still support you son”.
The next day the father comes home to his other son asking him to come upstairs, he goes and the son also comes out as gay, the loving father says β€œboth you and your brother, i wont have any kids, but, i still support you”........ ........ ........ ........ ........ ........ The father then walks down stairs to go and play with the family dog(male) and finds him in the backyard humping the neighbors(also male) dog. The father walks back into the house and exclaims β€œDoes anyone in this house like women”.
His wife taps him on the sholder

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeek7Br-Ba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What language do dumpsters talk in?

Trash talk! (My little brother made this joke, I'm proud of him)

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsItKevinito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Why did the farmer need such a long AUX cable for?

To tie his ox

Joke by my 9 year old brother

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I was named after my older brother.

And before my younger brother.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhm_i_dont_know
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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The passing cannibal

Hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aw8nf8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
We got a 3 yo dad in our house

My 3 year old brother came up to me (and everyone else in the house several times each) to tell a joke he made up (translated from Turkish but works in English anyway).

3yo: Do you need to go to the bathroom (a question we ask him frequently)?

Me: No

3yo: Are you sure?

Me: Yes?

3yo: Oh, hi Sure!

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akc1999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory.

At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He’s the Chip Monk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was trotting across the Prairie when is horse suddenly died...

It took him three days to make it to the closest town. To his dismay, nobody in that town had a horse for sale. So he started walking to the next town. After three days the man, exhausted, started asking around and looking for a horse for sale.Again, nobody could help him.He did,however,stumbled upon a place that sold horses but the man in charge was fresh out.

"Sold my last one just yesterday,"he said."I do, however, have a brother that sells horses. He's about a day's walk west.He owns a corral. He might have a horse to sell you."

So, once again, he sets foot West to the next town and finds the mans brother.

"I heard you might have a horse for sale, he asks."

"Well, I have one, but he don't look so good."he replies.

"I don't care. I've been walking for darn near a week and I'm tired and exhausted. I'll take him."

So after the man pays for the horse, he hops on him takes off and the horse hits a tree and stops.

"Hey,"the man says." I think you sold me a blind horse.Fact is, I'm sure of it!"

"Sir, I told you he don't look so good."the man fires back.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A nagging wife yelling at her husband "I would rather married Satan than marrying you"

Husband, "legally a brother and sister can't get married"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mougy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Just horsing around...

Background: we have two horses who have their own paddocks next to each other and are both the same age but not related. My 6 year old daughter was helping me pick the horse poop up in the paddocks today.

My daughter: β€œdad are our two horses brothers or just best friends?”

I said: β€œthey are not brothers sweet heart and I am not sure they are best friends, but one things for sure - they definitely are neigh-bours.

She laughed, I laughed. It was my proudest dad joke moment ever!! Haha.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smurfman1900
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Do Grandpa Jokes count?

My brother was laying in the grass and got up and asked my grandpa if there was anything on his back. My grandpa replied β€œyea, your shirt”

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Triedd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Confucius knew the answers to all of life’s questions.

The same cannot be said of his twin brother, Confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nobida12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
While giving birth to a set of twins, the mother losses consciousness.

The doctor called in the woman’s brother from the waiting room and asked if he would like to name the children. The brother agrees.

When the mother wakes up, the doctor informs her that her brother has named the children while she was unconscious. She said β€œOh no... my brother is an idiot. What did he name the kids?” The doctors replied β€œWell, the girl’s name is Denise!” β€œOh, that’s not so bad! And the boy?” β€œDenephew”

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A drunk man eating chips wanders into a monastery

While wandering around he bumps into a old man in robes cooking.

With a grin the drunk man asks β€œAre you the fish friar?”

β€œNo brother” he replied β€œI’m the chip monk”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exhious
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mzahit29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My son hates my dadjokes. This just happened: we were watching Marvel Avengers and I said, "why is he called Thor ? He shouldn't be". My son asked why not.

"He should be called Hi-Ki. Because he is Lo-Ki's elder brother".
He nearly cried.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagnetCarter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A brother and sister were working with each other on a science project.

While the sister was working the brother was walking around doing nothing

5 minutes pass

B: Ow S: You alright B: Yeah, just bumped into the table S: Where does it hurt B: Mitosis

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EMPIREVSREBLES
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius

But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Namnrocinu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about the baby.

The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.

Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.

Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A 3 months pregnant woman fell in a coma

After 6 months, she woke up and asked the doctor about her kids, the doctor said "you had twins and they're both fine". She then asked who names them. The doctor said her brother then the woman started going "No, no, no, no, no, no." The doctor asked what's wrong. The woman said "my brother's an idiot! What'd he name them?" The doctor said "he named the girl Denise. The woman said "oh, that's not bad, what'd he name the boy?" The doctor said "Denephew."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahmadh26
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/6Bazrael66
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was named after my older brother

And before my younger brother.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cgg419
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was named after my older brother

And before my younger brother.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...

...but his brother Frank was a monster.

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report

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