Bowellism Puns

So this is just a “quality shit post”

He said, "What's the problem?"

I said, "Well, lately I've been measuring the length of my bowel movements, and they are considerably smaller than what they should be. About 8.5 centimetres smaller, in fact."

He said, "Sounds to me like you need to get out more."

Cheery Bowel Syndrome

Angry Bowel Syndrome

Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)

The list is endless and frightening

I guess our government has a problem with crohnyism.

$150??!!! Man, that shit was expensive!

Or should I spread them apart?

...I'll call it "Pottyfy".

;

What do you have after a bowel resection?

A semi-colon.

Waste Management

Or as they called it, toot in common.

Now she’s in the ICU

It was a shit show.

A gas electric hybrid.

Count Dooky

But he didn't believe me; in fact he said I was full of shit.

It's a real blast from the past.

The area was called consti-patio.

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

“Why don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

“You think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said “Well if the Foux shits...”

Depends.

With their dairy air

My SO is in nursing school and a friend from class came over to study.

Me: Hey what're you studying?

SO: Bowels.

Me: Vowels?

SO: No, B-O-W-E-L-S

Me: Oh yeah, A, E, I, O, POO, and sometimes Y

SO: :/

I must be missing some bowels.

Me: "I have to poop so bad!" Dad: "You're a grown man, son, why don't you try to poop good for a change?"

Via bowel.

I guess he had to buy a bowel.

A Bowel Movement

A Bowl.

Having dinner with fiancé and parents, sausages, mash, vegetables. Delicious.

Fiancé sits down with her dinner, my Dad asks her why she doesn't have broccoli?

Her: "I can't eat it with irritable bowel"

Me: "you should eat it with carrots like the rest of us"

Uncle and Dad laughed, everyone else stopped forks halfway to mouths.

ICBM

Tinselitis.

The title: Rocky-Bowel Boa

I'm out for breakfast with my S.O. who is a nurse and her family. She's telling us about her patient.

S.O. - He had a paralyzed bowel.

Her Dad - He didn't give a shit.

It was a heavy Bowel Movement.

He'll deck the halls with bowels of Holly.

Because it will haunt your bowels forever.

My grandpa was dying of cancer and he had severe bowel problems to which he needs nurse assistance to go #2. He hasn't gone for several days now and calls for help once again.

Nurse: "Ok let's try this again and if that doesn't work we'll try something else"

enter 7ft tall 300lb black man (2nd nurse)

Grandpa: "Oh so you're going to try to scare the shit out of me now"

Sounds like a wise old bowel.

My next bowel movement could spell disaster!

As seen on Gab.

You could say I'm ready for the Super Bowel.