Boston Puns

A Wicked Smart car

"It's more than a ceiling"

So I had it placed in protective custardy

I guess it's a dog-eat-dog world.

They're both in Dhaka

It was destruction of Private Proper Tea!

He said, "Avocado." So, we drove.

Pick a cod, any cod

He was discussing vehicles with his friend and his friend asked if he had a truck. The Californian man responds, “no, but I avocado”

He said, “Yale”.

I said, “I SAID, DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?”

because the horse was too heavy to carry

It was easily disarmed.

...then I could say "Thustorm's a Bruin."

Long distance caw

And those my friends are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

It was a hair raising experience.

He had to do a lot of training.

The price is too steep!

Tea Shirts

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Arch.

Arch who?

Bless you.

Two friends from Boston getting ready to go to a party, Mike and Doe. They decided to make a few large sized bowls of guacamole for the party since there were going to be several people there.

It took them some time to prep and make, but in the end they had about five punch bowl sized bowls of guac. Mike looked Proud of their accomplishment but his friend started to freak out.

"How are we going to get this to the party? We can't take the bus, or the sub, and we sure as hell can't walk all the way there! Mike what the hell are we going to do?"

And Mike said.

"It's ok, Avocado."

More than a feeling.

Completely Ruthless

There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.

The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"

My wife said, “I’ve about had enough of the butt puns.” I replied, “Would you say I’m being a pun in the butt?”

A mass o'chew sets.

The tour guide was telling us about the Boston molasses disaster, or as he called it…the Boston molassacre!

They had two types of corn bread and my mother and I were trying to figure out what the difference between them was.
I looked at her with a grin slowly spreading across my face and said "maybe one is cornier."
I had to go outside for a minute because I was laughing so hard at my own joke.

It's the Pork of July!

Robot in da skies.

Yesterday (Saturday) walking around the city

Me: Where do you wanna eat?

Her: We could go to Church

Me: Church is only open on Sundays

She hit me, that means it was a success right?

It bahked at me.

Nothing. Because they can't say arrrrrrs.

CROW KILLS

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck." Absolutely amazing!