Boss Coffee Puns

So I immediately pounced upon the opportunity and forwarded the time in his laptop by 6 hours.

When he returned, I said, "I'm leaving now. It's 5 PM already."

"Oh yes it is," He said, "See you tomorrow."

"It fucking worked!" I thought to myself, as I jolted towards home.

I then enjoyed my entire day and was sleeping peacefully at night, when my phone suddenly rang at 3:15 AM.

He said, "Hurry up, you're 15 minutes late for work."

Boss: "Yeah, we got a new espresso machine last week" Me: "Was the old one shot to death?" Groans ensued

Me: Hey boss how's the morning going?

Boss: Good except I just dropped coffee all over the floor.

Me: You know, that's not why they're called coffee grounds.

Boss: Glaring Intensifies

Was getting coffee from the coffee machine when the machine said: "Fill Beans"

So I turned to my coworker and said: "Who is this Fill Beans?"

To which he responded: "I think he's from the Philippines"

I love my boss... every few months, my boss and i find ourselves in the break room with a couple other people. He will take a sip of his freshly-poured coffee and loudly say, "ugh, this coffee tastes like MUD" ... and then he looks at me expectantly ... and I dutifully reply "that's because it was just GROUND this morning." The other people within earshot hate us when they realize they have been tag-team dad-joked

SO i work in a store and basically:

A new girl had started and was scanning through this couples items. Last on the list was a £5 jar of Nescafe Gold. As she scanned it through the man went to grab it and it fell and broke. I instantly turned round to her, looked her dead in the eye and said "Now thats what I call... Ground Coffee"

My boss started laughing as did everyone at my Till and she was laughing shouting "Its not funny".

I do this every time she drops a jar of coffee.

My boss was setting up a teleconference between our home office and our branch office in Washington D.C. I wasn't attending this meeting, but was outside the room getting some coffee when he came out. We made some small talk and he said he was waiting on everyone in the D.C. office to finish eating before he headed back into the room. This was my moment to shine:

Me: "Oh, were they eating conifers?"

Boss (slightly confused) "No"

Me: "You're right. They probably eat D.Ciduous food out there"

Too good not to share.