I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
Mentos
(I will see myself out)
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Brain dead, eye drops Pain meds, cyclops They bed, iPod Maybach, my Bach Trainwrecks, sidewalks Payless, high-tops K-Fed, iHop Playtex, icebox That's how much we have in common (yeah!) That's how much we have in common (whoa!) Up on this mic, when we're on it That's how much we have in common (yeah!) That's how much we have in common (woo!) That's how much we have in common We are not alike, there's not alike us on the mic (yeah!) I don't do Jordans and Audemars I do explosions and Molotovs Y'all blowing smoke as if y'all ain't washed I blow the smoke from the car exhaust Flying to a party I am not invited to, feeling like the streets need me (whoa) I ain't gotta dance as long as my Ferrari Spider move, like C Breezy I don't gotta hire goons, I'd rather try to buy the moon, and breathe freely The sky is blue, the tie is new, the Masarati white and cool like G-Eazy While these dudes tryna figure out how to do a freestyle as fly as me I'm confused trying to figure out how to do Kapri Styles and Mya G Everybody doing chick joints, probably rob these little dudes at fist point Remember everybody used to bite Nickel, now everybody doing Bitcoin We don't got nothing in common (no) We don't got nothing in common (no) Y'all into stuff like doubled-up Styrofoam cups on them uppers-and-downers (woo!) I'm into stuff like doubling commas Find me a brother who's solid To count the shit up, then bust the shit down If the cops hit us up, we can flush the shit down We can not give a fuck, shit, a fucking colonic Selling your cock and your butt for a follower Possible cup, for dollars you powder sniff Now you're slipping, call it a power trip A product of politics Y'all went from profit and topping the charts To dropped in the park in a pile of shit Knowledge is power, but powerless if you got it and you do not acknowledge it Y'all music sound like Dr. Seuss inspired it Hiring strippers, prostitutes retiring We can spit it for ya, advance I'm fit to be king, you're cut out to fit in Prince pants You niggas Brain dead, eye drops Pain meds, cyclops They bed, iPod Maybach, my bach Trainwrecks, sidewalks Pay less, high-tops K-fed, iHop Playtex, icebox That's how much we have in common (yeah!) That's how much we have in common (whoa!) Up on this mic, when we're on it That's how much we have in common (yeah!) That's how much we have in common (woo!) That's how much we have in common We are not alike, there's not alike us You say you're affiliated with murderers, killers (ayy) Th
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Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
But let me give it a shot.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
He’s the new temp.
A lot of us have had the displeasure of unknowingly entangling ourselves with these types of men. I wish someone had told me the dangers or wished I had received some type of warning to run.
These guys usually have low motivation and depression. He won’t take pleasure in taking you out or spending time with you. His dopamine receptors are FRIED. Simple pleasures of life like seeing a clear blue sky, tasting new food, strolling around nature is completely dull to them. There is no way to build a foundation with these guys.
Now to the scary part. They have or will develop dangerous paraphilias, may be legal or not legal and may be extremely disturbing to the average person. Zoophilia, hypno, femdom.
I’ve been on forums reading about these types of men and they have admitted that often times it has escalated to real life. Buying Prostitutes, meeting up for sex with random strangers etc. STDs are not an issue to them, they even say the risk isn’t higher than sleeping with a gf (lmfao)
Also, they have what they call “purge cycles”. They may get rid of their 100TB of porn, stop visiting Prostitutes for some time but end up relapsing and returning to their addiction. This is a problem because during this phase they seek out a normal relationship with a woman. The issue is that when they relapse, guess who is also stuck in the middle? The gf/wife/ kids. This is why you see tons of posts of girls asking why their bf can’t get it up after 6 months of being together, why their husbands have a personality change and lock themselves in a room with porn all day. Why he needs to “find himself” after 50 years of marriage.
Over time they may escalate further to sex offender territory. These are your peeping toms, gropers, child predators, rapists etc. You cannot rehabilitate them, nor you should try to.
Hopefully this post will save a woman’s life in the future. For any of you out there caught in a situation like described, this is your sign to run.
*imo if you ask me, from online research and experience a PA is a man that watches once a day minimum. Likely unable to quit. Yes, this is most men.
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
